Thursday, July 30, 2009

i'd like to be somebody's Gerry

it's been a long time since i wrote the latest entry. life's been hectic but yet i'm trying to balance up things around me. but again, being me...sangatlah balance smua..
these few days back, i was not really feeling well. actually i'm hating this sudden mid-sem break that is due to H1N1. pity the students for having such a short notice break. for those who had bought their 'balik kampung' tickets for the actual break, it wud be such a heart-break. it seems that they do not get the chance to enjoy the 1st week of fasting together with their family :(

my day today began with a sad news. one of my students' dad had passed away last monday nite due to a heart attack. i read the message just now and was shocked with the news. i just met the father during the parents-lecturers day last month and i still have his business card with me which arwah had gave me on that day. i knew arwah a lil bit since adiba-the daughter had told me about her dad. i was actually planning to buy a dslr camera and it happened that her dad is into the thing as well. so, adiba is such a helpful girl that she actually helped me to choose the best dslr according to her dad's advice and experiences. when i called her just now, she was so calm..telling me the incident chronologically without failed and ended her conversation by saying: "mungkin miss boleh sedekahkan al-fatihah to my dad". i am sure that i will.

however, she had reminded me about the moment that i lost my dad. my dad's death was expected because of his condition at that time. daripada bengkak 1 jari kaki hingga the whole 5 jari kaki...sampailah waktu when kaki arwah kena potong sampai lutut and expected to potong lagi sampai peha(tapi alhamdulillah tak sempat)... after all, it was expected. tp still i cannot be calm unlike adiba, her father's death was quite a sudden whereby it happened in one night and that's it. apa pun, ajal mereka dah sampai and we should be aware that ajal seseorang mahu pun ajal kita sendiri could be expected or even unexpected.

Monday, July 6, 2009

it is so damn POYOish!

why is my brain functioned so slow? it is so slow to the extend that my emotional responses are slow as well.

i am quite pissed off...well i realized it quite sometime - which is from the moment i should have felt it but like i said, lambat pick-up skit.

i realized that i don't like people to actually 'mempertikaikan' what i do/did. i hate it because i knew that i do/did it correctly as it is supposed to. and bila orang mula mempertikaikan "why shouldn't you/ you should have tell me or done that or done this" and blablabla.... saya sangat benci bila that moment comes. it happened to me but the moment it comes, i don't really feel annoying@irritating at present. but as time passes....and my brain started to digest about things that had happened, barulah perasaan 'pissed off' datang menerjah. pastu, aku akan emo jek la tak tentu pasal....and that is why i said that aku tak suka orang mempertikaikan tentang tindakan aku yang mana aku rasa/yakin aku sudah buat sedaya yang mungkin. dan manusia tu tak patut mempertikaikan atau mempersoalkan kerja aku. agak bengang yang agak amat!



and aku benci bila aku busy. aku sangat terasa POYO when i don't have time to myself and people around me... it is so damn POYOish....hate it so much! when will my normal days come back???

Thursday, July 2, 2009

ya

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penat giler!
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