farhun - gembira

Halluu...

Gembira plak aku semenjak dua menjak ni. Hahaha.. Just because most of the people around me think that i am still in 20s. What a compliment. Alhamdulillah.. Ye la..kalau ikutkan kenapa la aku nak happy or beriya sangat pasal orang cakap aku muda lagi ke apa. Aku bukanlah in denials tapi being in this age without any knot being tied, i need to look up at my reputation (age la). Hahaha.. Students aku (girls) hari tu beriya kata aku 28. Nak tersedak aku tapi aku control cun jek. Then after the boys came back from jumaat prayer, dia org pun sama ckp umur aku paling2 pun 28. Paling muda aku dapat is 24. Bila aku tell them my real age, dia org lak kata aku tipu. Ada ke orang nk tipu umur dia tua? Hehehe.. Gembira aku.

Pastu, hari tu jumpa cousin aku. Dah lama giler rasanya x jumpa dia. He asked my sis's age. Tiba2 aku lak yg offer suruh dia teka age aku. Dia pun jawab- " ala.. Farrah 20s lagi kan". Huahuahuaaaa.. Sssoooo happy to hear that! Woot woot!!

Makanya, tips untuk kekal muda riang ria adalah untuk kita mempunyai perwatakan yang happy-go-lucky sokmo. Bila kita senyum and apatah lagi ketawa..., ada hormon2 tertentu yang keluar dan membantu memudakan wajah kita. Hasilnya... Aku lah. Ekekkekee.. Aku kan suka senyum dan gembira selalu.

Kadang2 kalau sesedih mana pun aku, ia akan hilang secara perlahan2 and automatic. i think it has become like a habit u know. it's not that i made myself in an in-denial state..but it just happen. i used to ask my NLP trainer about this. i told her that i am very good at putting the 'bad frames' behind and put forward the 'good frames' and it is just soooo easy. she answered- it's okay with that. i am normal. but to very one extent i will somehow bring forward my 'bad frames' and deal with it at the most suitable time that i feel i am able to face. that one day i will settle the negative emotions that i have had. it's not that i just ran away from it. no, it's not. i do face it but when the time comes.

apa2 pun, be grateful to whatever u have now. enjoy ur life by complying to what is wajib and what is not. Allah is there and always be there. he will give us the best as what he has planned and pull away the bad things if he desires to do so. love yourself, be happy, be sincere and don't u ever feel useless & worthless.

Allah itu 'Adil sifatnya.

it's a final countdowwwwwnnnn!!!

salam everyone and my dear! It is not just 2013, but already February. What a zasss!

You know what!? It has already been 5 years of me working at my workplace now. Just could not believe it. I just felt that yesterday was my first week of lecture to my US bound students. And today, i am with Aussie bound students and the funny part is i am not just an English lecturer, but also a Malay Studies' lecturer. Don't ask me what and how i ended up there. =D

Last Monday & Tuesday which was 4th & 5th Feb, I sat for a Comprehensive Examination(CE) - it's my master's thingy. Initially, my master's degree is M.ed (master in education) TESL without thesis. Though there is no thesis, we do still have one part of project paper. It's kinda like the mini-thesis la konon. I was planning to finish my master by this year so that I could finish my semester by September and have my convocation on October. But suddenly, my faculty announced that we could no more do project paper because of there is short of supervisors to monitor our paper. It's kinda disappointing in one way but it's a YEAY! on the other hand. And because of that too, I will end my studies on January instead. In return to no project paper, we are advised to sit for CE. Basically CE is also one of the options offered to students like us. Like in my case, I was offered M.ed TESL without thesis (project paper is understood to be the path). Some others (very few of them) are I don't know offered or requested CE. I have no idea of the CE's existence up to the day I entered the uni. How does this CE works? It is just as simple as you will be asked about all the selected subjects that you have taken during your studies. This CE is usually done at the end of your last semester after your final exam. Isn't it sounds creepy and nonsense too!!!??

To shorten, me and my other friends whose this semester is the final semester have to sit for CE. So, last mon & tues was like s***! It was a tough 3 hours' exam...damn tough. On the 4th I sat for Research Methodology & Statistics papers. Just imagined that there were 10 questions worth 200 marks and you need to complete it in 3 hours! Oh no no no.... I just do not want to write it here coz it will be totally ignored and mentally challenged to be remembered. hahaha.... then on the 5th, I sat for 2 sets of exam - 3 hours & 200 marks each. All the 3 hours consisted of 2 subjects and equal to 200 marks. The examiner was expecting us to write at least 3-page for each questions in the paper. We had to answer 3 questions so basically it made us to write 9 pages for that particular paper. Can you please make your own calculation if the same thing happen for the afternoon's paper? 18 pages of my writing using my only right hand with loads of pens that i regularly changed and threw off. That was for the second day. On Monday, I can say that I have written for at least 5 pages. Please do your math. And because of that toooooo, I can't really be holding pen or pencil as my hand felt like a cramp. Thus, I am planning not to hold a pen and/or write more than 15 seconds for these next three days. Today is the first day and I managed to do so. Holding a pen for less than 15 seconds. hahaha...we'll see how for tomorrow and the next day....

oh yeah.... the reason i pursued in my master's degree, one of it was because i want to go away from him and perkara2 yang sewaktu dengannya. yes, it did help and i did go away and forget him too.. but now, i have finished with my masters, will i think of him back..or what?!? Or should i go for PhD? hahaha.... khelass ko peah! apa2 pun terima kasih lah yek kepada orang yang telah tanpa dia sedar memberi aku motivasi utk belajar lebih tinggi semata-mata nak lupakan dia. sangat menguntungkan perkara ni. lalalala~~~

so, i shall wait for another two weeks for my CE results. ada jek harapan tak lulus tapi aku ni optimist la..(konon...). buat masa ni nak lupakan dulu psl results la apa la...aku just nak focus kat workplace. aku dah tak leh abaikan students aku...aku tak nak jadi cam colleague aku...jatuh prestasi students dia...she was quite busy executing few matters and without her realization, she kind of not to have the focus that she should. plus with my admin post, tak pernah nye every semester, dates yg aku dah booking tak perlu di tunda2... 

apa2 pun aku doakan yang terbaik utk diri aku. insyaallah aku pass... dan kena pass. so, nak usha2 vacancies kat tmpt lain nak?

hahahahhahahaha..... 

^_^

He was

He has married. Finally. Sad but am happy for him. Wish him all the best.

Still missing him though.

Regret

I kinda did something stupid n childish. Oh how i am ashamed with myself at this moment. Currently, this thing has become my enemy... THE ENEMY.. It is stronger than i have thought. Though i realized what it could do to me...but the evil is more powerful, in pulling me back n not to go forward.

O Allah.. Why am i so weak? I know it is all because of me. You have nothing to do with this.. But to you I surrender.

I am so ashamed. I am so stupid. I am so useless ;((

Show me the light, o allah

Ya allah.. Tolonglah hambamu ini...
Dugaan sedang melanda... Ishkishkishk ;((

Aku rasa macam hidup aku ni skang based on due dates jek. N most of the matters due on 3rd november.
I am not sure if i could go through the tunnel to reach that 3rd nov.
I still do not see the light at the end of the tunnel..
Mcm mane nak nampak light tu!!?? Masuk pun belum lagi.. Ayyaaa..

Oh my dear allah..
Please help me.. Please show me the way... I do really need ur hidayah...
Amin ya rabbil alamin...

Sejarah dulu-dulu

Semalam i dreamt of him. It was real and scary too. Mimpi tu mcm tahu sifat dia.

Lama dah x jumpa and teringatkan dia. Tapi semalam, aku terserempak dengan dia. Seperti biasa, mata bertentang mata.

Kuasa Allah itu Maha!

Alhamdulillah dan syukur aku panjatkan pada Allah yang Maha Esa. 

Hari ni aku sangat bersyukur kepada Allah kerana Allah tidak pernah kedekut untuk memberi pertolongan pada hambanya ini. 

Ya, aku dalam kesusahan buat masa ni. Aku hampir menangis kerana berasakan yang aku tidak mampu untuk ke depan lagi. Aku seolah-olah terpaku pada keadaan sekarang. Tapi, tak sedikit pun aku menyalahkan Dia kerana rancanganNya. Walau apa pun, aku tahu dan aku yakin segala keburukkan datang dari aku dan yang baik-baik itu semua datang dariNYA. 

Cumanya, aku sedih dan kecewa atas apa yang telah aku lakukan, atas jalan apa yang aku pilih untuk diri aku sendiri. Aku seolah-olah tidak menyayangi diri aku sendiri dan tanpa ragu-ragu merosakkan malah meruntuhkan amanat Allah iaitu diri aku. 

Kuasa Allah itu Maha! Maha sehingga tiada siapa, apa yang dapat menandingiNYA. 

Aku berdoa moga Allah selalu tidak lupa untuk memimpinku ke jalan yang benar... jalan yang lurus... jalan ke pintu syurga. Sesungguhnya aku ini hambaNYA yang hina dan hanya kepadaNYA aku dapat bergantung....dunia dan akhirat.

Amin, amin ya rabbal alamin.......

Word(s)

Hai.

How are you?

Fine? Normal? Not fine? Not normal?

Hope you are okay.

Regards,

-me-

Come-back!

Assalamualaikum.... hi there...

Lamanya aku tinggalkan blog ni... Selalu teringat tentang kewujudan blog ni tapi memang tak sempat nak update apa2 yang patut untuk dikongsikan bersama.

So many things happened in my life. All the things that had happened, i consider it to be an interesting, awesome and full of lessons events. Can't really describe it here coz it is tooo many to be written/expressed/shared.

1 chapter of my life in the early year of 2012 is when i had so many responsibilities to be fulfilled. Among them are my core duty as a lecturer, my new position in students affairs department, being among the employees for the on-the-way of transformation program, my study life in UPM, as a daughter who lives with her mother, as a servant of allah, and not to forget my newest involvement - being part of NLPers.

Oh yeah..mentioning about NLP, I would really love to share with all of you bit by bit of NLP knowledge that i obviously found it as so interesting and beneficial. I will insyallah find the time to do so soon.

* NLP: Neuro Linguistic Programming

Till then, cheerio! ^_*

three chapters in January

sebenarnya kan...aku ada banyak benda nak share here at this blog. but, i just did not get the courage to on my lappy n jot down what i wanted to. don't know why. it felt so burdening.
hhmmm... i guess i know why. coz my new year started very well.... very well until at one point, i could not breathe. as simple as gasping the air and exhale it. sigh~~

tahun baru 2012 telah menunjukkan belangnya dari awal lagi. seawal 1 januari. aku dikejar dan dihimpit oleh waktu yang tidak pernah mencukupi. setiap hari berlalu bagaikan tiada malam dan setiap waktu berlalu bagaikan tiada minit atau saat. i thought i had planned my schedule very well.... but i guess i had not. mana taknya, tahun baru aku dimulai dengan hutang assignments yang berlambak. okey...aku mengaku aku memang suka buat keje last minute. tapi bila aku buat keje last minute, i nailed it! and, as a prove, i got an A-. not bad though....alhamdulillah sangat2 pada allah. berbaloi la waktu2 yang aku sesak nafas demi untuk menyiapkan assignments tu smua and also mentelaah untuk finals.

itu baru satu chapter.

another chapter is definitely about my work. in this sem alone, i have 21 hrs loading for teaching. rasa nak tercabut lutut bila bayangkan keadaan tu smua. 21-hr is actually equals to 4 courses. omg!! it is so demanding!! tapi, aku gagahkan jua coz i accept this as a new year's challenge and i am pretty sure i can do it. u know me..... i am always optimistic..no matter what. of course, i need to be emo first, but then it is no problemo - at all!

cumanya bila teringat balik pasal sem 3 masters, aku jadi kaku. penatnya ya rabbi.....hanya allah jek yang tahu perasaan aku. kalau ikutkan aku yang tidak yakin, hancur luluh di tengah jalan. syukur jugak allah jadikan aku sebagai seorg yang selalu optimistic. only at certain time, i might be and feel breakdown. but most of the time, i actually ignore it. i am such an ignorant!!

that's another chapter.

the other chapter is.... i have gotten a new post at my work place. it's actually a cross department post. remember about my 21-hr loading? now please take out a calculator and press 2, 1 + 6 = . i am pretty much sure you'll get to see at the screen - number 27. yeap! that's my loading. yeeehhaaa!!!!

before the number becomes the issue, there is another issue comes about. it's the controversial issue about my post and sewaktu dengannya. i shall not write it down here...but i am definitely sure that i will remember about it all through my life. so, basically the controversy really gives me so much of challenges and obstacles. it is more to mental challenges. all i can say is that, i am not supposed to be at the stake where i know what's going on. i should only be the person who will know what about it and wala! - be it.

wo! three chapters in 1 month. we shall wait any more chapters in February. *woot~woot*