etc.

Hi again!

Baru je aku memuji line internetku…dia dah buat hal sekarang. Ye la, hari tu hari raya. So mostly neighbours balik kampong. Maka, line internet was good. Now, since they have come back it was problematic again. I am a Unifi customer and I placed my modem and stuffs in my bedroom. Coz I was thinking it would be easier since the technician had to only make a hole for the wiring straight from the telephone line pole to my bedroom (it is located exactly at the back of house and near my bedroom). At first it was superb coz if am not mistaken, I was among the earliest who subscribed to Unifi but time after time, the line was so bad. My only solution to this problem is to call for the technician to re-locate the modem to downstairs. Hope it works! 

Mengimbas kenangan lalu Part 1

Disebabkan aku bosan + line tenet semakin mengancam + laptop baru serba canggih + teringat kenangan lama sebab gi tengok balik gambar2 lama = maka, aku decide untuk menulis entry tentang perkara2 yang aku tak sempat share dulu.

So, today i would like to share about my trip to Sydney last May 2013. 

It was quite a sudden decision to have my holiday there. I went there with my mom, my 3rd sis, my 5th sis and his chubby son. Decided to go to several OZ states but i didn't feel confident to do so coz my mom was not really well (though she said she is okay - na ah i don't buy her words ;D).

I would say it was a bless to have my students all over OZ states. Anyway, I am a lecturer teaching students (mostly sponsored) who will be flying to Australia & New Zealand. So, last year was my 6th year teaching students who are going to further their studies abroad. I have students who are going to fly to US, UK, Russia, Japan, Korea, Middle East, India, Ireland, German and that's it I guess. But I have been teaching students for OZ/NZ for almost 5 years last year. So, basically I have plenty students there. 

Went to Sydney for a week and stayed at my students' house. I have my cousin there too but then decided not to stay there coz it was quite a small house. Rented a car the whole week. I had too coz mom was not fit to walk or travel by public transport. Luckily since we rented the car for a week, it got cheaper. 

It was such a relieve coz the morning before my flight, I was still fighting to finish up marking my students' end of semester exam papers and not to mention..... I have LOADS of BUNDLES to do so! It was because I taught two codes and believe me I was like committing suicide jek! (expression saje tak berniat betul pun. hehehe).

Went for jalan-jalan, to Blue Mountain and many places (not to mention shopping!). Met my ex students - couple of batches too and had makan-makan. They are really good cooks! Superb!

All in all, it was such an escapism! Here are some of the photos that I could grab from this laptop.

I'm baaaacckkk...

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI! MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN!

Ketemu lagi kita di sini tetapi seperti biasa it is now 2014! hahaha... when was the last time i wrote here? obviously last year. Selalu bear auk tinggalkan blog ni. Nampak sangat that I am not really into blogging. Well, I blog because I need a platform to express anything from my part. I guess diary works too but....I just don't know.

Anyway, hari ni hari raya 1435H. It was a tiring day though. Mana taknya... tired because all of my siblings gathered and it was a full house. Then, tanpa ragu-ragu, perut pun kenyang la sangat dengan makanan-makanan yang agak tidak berkhasiat. hehehe... On top of all, it is a normal raya day. Why do I say so? Simply because I am getting older... so, I guess nothing much fun. Unlike when we are still kids kan..

Ok, till now. Hope that I'll becoming back soooonn... (and not next year hehehe).

Bye, salam. ^_* 

# see how bz i was to an extent that i did not have the time to post written entry? Now i post ya!? This was written on 5th march.
--------------------

I really have to write this before i sleep tonite.

I was and still am tired. Physically tired, mentally exhausted! As expected, i did not pass one of the CE paper. In fact 15/18 of us did not pass. So last monday we had our re-sit examination. Don't wanna share the reason behind the failure. No point of mentioning things that had passed. Then tuesday i was sick. Couldn't get an mc coz the doctor had his own emergency. Can't really afford to drive myself to panel at shah alam...i decided to take EL instead. Once i entered my office this morning, there was no any seconds that i did not do anything (except eating my breakfast while discussing about works). Entered office at 8.40am like that and need to rush to class which i took over the time from my colleague at 11am. So basically 2 hours and 15 minutes were like 25 minutes??? Went to class and need to review students' research works. Oh gosh... That part really needs my full concentration (though deep down inside my head was wandering about other matters). Then, asked students' favor to help me arranging the chairs in the hall for the 4pm kopln session. This was another part that i need not care to elaborate why my students and i were the one to arrange the chairs. Treat them with drinks and set off to another class at 12-1pm. I played for them a very old-skool malay movie(main actors are latif ibrahim & sharifah aini) entitled Bintang Pujaan. Had my half an hour break after that and at 1.30pm i continue with the esls class and again continuing reviewing students' researches. With a blink, it was already 2.30pm and i rushed back to my office for a 2.30 dept meeting.

it is proven.

farhun - gembira

Halluu...

Gembira plak aku semenjak dua menjak ni. Hahaha.. Just because most of the people around me think that i am still in 20s. What a compliment. Alhamdulillah.. Ye la..kalau ikutkan kenapa la aku nak happy or beriya sangat pasal orang cakap aku muda lagi ke apa. Aku bukanlah in denials tapi being in this age without any knot being tied, i need to look up at my reputation (age la). Hahaha.. Students aku (girls) hari tu beriya kata aku 28. Nak tersedak aku tapi aku control cun jek. Then after the boys came back from jumaat prayer, dia org pun sama ckp umur aku paling2 pun 28. Paling muda aku dapat is 24. Bila aku tell them my real age, dia org lak kata aku tipu. Ada ke orang nk tipu umur dia tua? Hehehe.. Gembira aku.

Pastu, hari tu jumpa cousin aku. Dah lama giler rasanya x jumpa dia. He asked my sis's age. Tiba2 aku lak yg offer suruh dia teka age aku. Dia pun jawab- " ala.. Farrah 20s lagi kan". Huahuahuaaaa.. Sssoooo happy to hear that! Woot woot!!

Makanya, tips untuk kekal muda riang ria adalah untuk kita mempunyai perwatakan yang happy-go-lucky sokmo. Bila kita senyum and apatah lagi ketawa..., ada hormon2 tertentu yang keluar dan membantu memudakan wajah kita. Hasilnya... Aku lah. Ekekkekee.. Aku kan suka senyum dan gembira selalu.

Kadang2 kalau sesedih mana pun aku, ia akan hilang secara perlahan2 and automatic. i think it has become like a habit u know. it's not that i made myself in an in-denial state..but it just happen. i used to ask my NLP trainer about this. i told her that i am very good at putting the 'bad frames' behind and put forward the 'good frames' and it is just soooo easy. she answered- it's okay with that. i am normal. but to very one extent i will somehow bring forward my 'bad frames' and deal with it at the most suitable time that i feel i am able to face. that one day i will settle the negative emotions that i have had. it's not that i just ran away from it. no, it's not. i do face it but when the time comes.

apa2 pun, be grateful to whatever u have now. enjoy ur life by complying to what is wajib and what is not. Allah is there and always be there. he will give us the best as what he has planned and pull away the bad things if he desires to do so. love yourself, be happy, be sincere and don't u ever feel useless & worthless.

Allah itu 'Adil sifatnya.

it's a final countdowwwwwnnnn!!!

salam everyone and my dear! It is not just 2013, but already February. What a zasss!

You know what!? It has already been 5 years of me working at my workplace now. Just could not believe it. I just felt that yesterday was my first week of lecture to my US bound students. And today, i am with Aussie bound students and the funny part is i am not just an English lecturer, but also a Malay Studies' lecturer. Don't ask me what and how i ended up there. =D

Last Monday & Tuesday which was 4th & 5th Feb, I sat for a Comprehensive Examination(CE) - it's my master's thingy. Initially, my master's degree is M.ed (master in education) TESL without thesis. Though there is no thesis, we do still have one part of project paper. It's kinda like the mini-thesis la konon. I was planning to finish my master by this year so that I could finish my semester by September and have my convocation on October. But suddenly, my faculty announced that we could no more do project paper because of there is short of supervisors to monitor our paper. It's kinda disappointing in one way but it's a YEAY! on the other hand. And because of that too, I will end my studies on January instead. In return to no project paper, we are advised to sit for CE. Basically CE is also one of the options offered to students like us. Like in my case, I was offered M.ed TESL without thesis (project paper is understood to be the path). Some others (very few of them) are I don't know offered or requested CE. I have no idea of the CE's existence up to the day I entered the uni. How does this CE works? It is just as simple as you will be asked about all the selected subjects that you have taken during your studies. This CE is usually done at the end of your last semester after your final exam. Isn't it sounds creepy and nonsense too!!!??

To shorten, me and my other friends whose this semester is the final semester have to sit for CE. So, last mon & tues was like s***! It was a tough 3 hours' exam...damn tough. On the 4th I sat for Research Methodology & Statistics papers. Just imagined that there were 10 questions worth 200 marks and you need to complete it in 3 hours! Oh no no no.... I just do not want to write it here coz it will be totally ignored and mentally challenged to be remembered. hahaha.... then on the 5th, I sat for 2 sets of exam - 3 hours & 200 marks each. All the 3 hours consisted of 2 subjects and equal to 200 marks. The examiner was expecting us to write at least 3-page for each questions in the paper. We had to answer 3 questions so basically it made us to write 9 pages for that particular paper. Can you please make your own calculation if the same thing happen for the afternoon's paper? 18 pages of my writing using my only right hand with loads of pens that i regularly changed and threw off. That was for the second day. On Monday, I can say that I have written for at least 5 pages. Please do your math. And because of that toooooo, I can't really be holding pen or pencil as my hand felt like a cramp. Thus, I am planning not to hold a pen and/or write more than 15 seconds for these next three days. Today is the first day and I managed to do so. Holding a pen for less than 15 seconds. hahaha...we'll see how for tomorrow and the next day....

oh yeah.... the reason i pursued in my master's degree, one of it was because i want to go away from him and perkara2 yang sewaktu dengannya. yes, it did help and i did go away and forget him too.. but now, i have finished with my masters, will i think of him back..or what?!? Or should i go for PhD? hahaha.... khelass ko peah! apa2 pun terima kasih lah yek kepada orang yang telah tanpa dia sedar memberi aku motivasi utk belajar lebih tinggi semata-mata nak lupakan dia. sangat menguntungkan perkara ni. lalalala~~~

so, i shall wait for another two weeks for my CE results. ada jek harapan tak lulus tapi aku ni optimist la..(konon...). buat masa ni nak lupakan dulu psl results la apa la...aku just nak focus kat workplace. aku dah tak leh abaikan students aku...aku tak nak jadi cam colleague aku...jatuh prestasi students dia...she was quite busy executing few matters and without her realization, she kind of not to have the focus that she should. plus with my admin post, tak pernah nye every semester, dates yg aku dah booking tak perlu di tunda2... 

apa2 pun aku doakan yang terbaik utk diri aku. insyaallah aku pass... dan kena pass. so, nak usha2 vacancies kat tmpt lain nak?

hahahahhahahaha..... 

^_^

He was

He has married. Finally. Sad but am happy for him. Wish him all the best.

Still missing him though.

Regret

I kinda did something stupid n childish. Oh how i am ashamed with myself at this moment. Currently, this thing has become my enemy... THE ENEMY.. It is stronger than i have thought. Though i realized what it could do to me...but the evil is more powerful, in pulling me back n not to go forward.

O Allah.. Why am i so weak? I know it is all because of me. You have nothing to do with this.. But to you I surrender.

I am so ashamed. I am so stupid. I am so useless ;((

Show me the light, o allah

Ya allah.. Tolonglah hambamu ini...
Dugaan sedang melanda... Ishkishkishk ;((

Aku rasa macam hidup aku ni skang based on due dates jek. N most of the matters due on 3rd november.
I am not sure if i could go through the tunnel to reach that 3rd nov.
I still do not see the light at the end of the tunnel..
Mcm mane nak nampak light tu!!?? Masuk pun belum lagi.. Ayyaaa..

Oh my dear allah..
Please help me.. Please show me the way... I do really need ur hidayah...
Amin ya rabbil alamin...

Sejarah dulu-dulu

Semalam i dreamt of him. It was real and scary too. Mimpi tu mcm tahu sifat dia.

Lama dah x jumpa and teringatkan dia. Tapi semalam, aku terserempak dengan dia. Seperti biasa, mata bertentang mata.

Kuasa Allah itu Maha!

Alhamdulillah dan syukur aku panjatkan pada Allah yang Maha Esa. 

Hari ni aku sangat bersyukur kepada Allah kerana Allah tidak pernah kedekut untuk memberi pertolongan pada hambanya ini. 

Ya, aku dalam kesusahan buat masa ni. Aku hampir menangis kerana berasakan yang aku tidak mampu untuk ke depan lagi. Aku seolah-olah terpaku pada keadaan sekarang. Tapi, tak sedikit pun aku menyalahkan Dia kerana rancanganNya. Walau apa pun, aku tahu dan aku yakin segala keburukkan datang dari aku dan yang baik-baik itu semua datang dariNYA. 

Cumanya, aku sedih dan kecewa atas apa yang telah aku lakukan, atas jalan apa yang aku pilih untuk diri aku sendiri. Aku seolah-olah tidak menyayangi diri aku sendiri dan tanpa ragu-ragu merosakkan malah meruntuhkan amanat Allah iaitu diri aku. 

Kuasa Allah itu Maha! Maha sehingga tiada siapa, apa yang dapat menandingiNYA. 

Aku berdoa moga Allah selalu tidak lupa untuk memimpinku ke jalan yang benar... jalan yang lurus... jalan ke pintu syurga. Sesungguhnya aku ini hambaNYA yang hina dan hanya kepadaNYA aku dapat bergantung....dunia dan akhirat.

Amin, amin ya rabbal alamin.......

Word(s)

Hai.

How are you?

Fine? Normal? Not fine? Not normal?

Hope you are okay.

Regards,

-me-

Come-back!

Assalamualaikum.... hi there...

Lamanya aku tinggalkan blog ni... Selalu teringat tentang kewujudan blog ni tapi memang tak sempat nak update apa2 yang patut untuk dikongsikan bersama.

So many things happened in my life. All the things that had happened, i consider it to be an interesting, awesome and full of lessons events. Can't really describe it here coz it is tooo many to be written/expressed/shared.

1 chapter of my life in the early year of 2012 is when i had so many responsibilities to be fulfilled. Among them are my core duty as a lecturer, my new position in students affairs department, being among the employees for the on-the-way of transformation program, my study life in UPM, as a daughter who lives with her mother, as a servant of allah, and not to forget my newest involvement - being part of NLPers.

Oh yeah..mentioning about NLP, I would really love to share with all of you bit by bit of NLP knowledge that i obviously found it as so interesting and beneficial. I will insyallah find the time to do so soon.

* NLP: Neuro Linguistic Programming

Till then, cheerio! ^_*

three chapters in January

sebenarnya kan...aku ada banyak benda nak share here at this blog. but, i just did not get the courage to on my lappy n jot down what i wanted to. don't know why. it felt so burdening.
hhmmm... i guess i know why. coz my new year started very well.... very well until at one point, i could not breathe. as simple as gasping the air and exhale it. sigh~~

tahun baru 2012 telah menunjukkan belangnya dari awal lagi. seawal 1 januari. aku dikejar dan dihimpit oleh waktu yang tidak pernah mencukupi. setiap hari berlalu bagaikan tiada malam dan setiap waktu berlalu bagaikan tiada minit atau saat. i thought i had planned my schedule very well.... but i guess i had not. mana taknya, tahun baru aku dimulai dengan hutang assignments yang berlambak. okey...aku mengaku aku memang suka buat keje last minute. tapi bila aku buat keje last minute, i nailed it! and, as a prove, i got an A-. not bad though....alhamdulillah sangat2 pada allah. berbaloi la waktu2 yang aku sesak nafas demi untuk menyiapkan assignments tu smua and also mentelaah untuk finals.

itu baru satu chapter.

another chapter is definitely about my work. in this sem alone, i have 21 hrs loading for teaching. rasa nak tercabut lutut bila bayangkan keadaan tu smua. 21-hr is actually equals to 4 courses. omg!! it is so demanding!! tapi, aku gagahkan jua coz i accept this as a new year's challenge and i am pretty sure i can do it. u know me..... i am always optimistic..no matter what. of course, i need to be emo first, but then it is no problemo - at all!

cumanya bila teringat balik pasal sem 3 masters, aku jadi kaku. penatnya ya rabbi.....hanya allah jek yang tahu perasaan aku. kalau ikutkan aku yang tidak yakin, hancur luluh di tengah jalan. syukur jugak allah jadikan aku sebagai seorg yang selalu optimistic. only at certain time, i might be and feel breakdown. but most of the time, i actually ignore it. i am such an ignorant!!

that's another chapter.

the other chapter is.... i have gotten a new post at my work place. it's actually a cross department post. remember about my 21-hr loading? now please take out a calculator and press 2, 1 + 6 = . i am pretty much sure you'll get to see at the screen - number 27. yeap! that's my loading. yeeehhaaa!!!!

before the number becomes the issue, there is another issue comes about. it's the controversial issue about my post and sewaktu dengannya. i shall not write it down here...but i am definitely sure that i will remember about it all through my life. so, basically the controversy really gives me so much of challenges and obstacles. it is more to mental challenges. all i can say is that, i am not supposed to be at the stake where i know what's going on. i should only be the person who will know what about it and wala! - be it.

wo! three chapters in 1 month. we shall wait any more chapters in February. *woot~woot*

Ddaa!

U know what!?

Best friends are sometimes annoying.
They said and acted differently.
In the end, please do not count on them.

It is reality tho.

No heart feeling!

Fikir.

Dua ribu dua belas

Salam,

Selamat tahun baru 2012.
My 2011 ended up with almost a week's fever. I guess it could mencuci dosa-dosa lepas ;)
And my 2012 starts with a full list of things to be done and settled.
What an 'exciting' weeks to start with.
Assignments, finals, new classes to teach, new students to spend a year with n loads more.

Yang pasti,
Alhamdulillah ke atas Allah Swt di atas peluang yang diberikan selama ini.
Dan juga sekali lagi peluang diberikan untuk menghadapi ujianNya untuk tahun ini.

Of course, i have decided to be a better person...not for other people but for myself. It's not a small and easy thing to do but i am determined in doing so. Hope Allah could show me the way and assists me along the way. I am sure He will ;)

Maka, dengan ini...dengan azam yang baru, saya ingin tidur awal dan bangun awal pada esok hari.

Selamat malam! (",)

I am wrong.

Hey u,

I said once that u never get serious with whatever u do with me.
But u have proved me wrong.
I am totally wrong!
Coz u had seriously deleted me from ur picture.
And what's left with me?
Ur memories, our memories.

Missing u a bit tho.

But i guess i was the one who decided that.
And i ought to adhere to that decision of mine.
And face it. Accept it. Let it.

Hope u r happier n happy.

Bye.

Lucky i am

Yippiee!!! ^_^ Alhamdulillah..

I won a lucky draw!! And i won an Electrolux microwave oven.
It has been two years in a row i won lucky draws at my work place's appreciation nite.

Last year, i won a lucky draw (a hamper) as well as an award- Pensyarah Cemerlang 2010. That was amazing n double happiness.

Before this, i was very unlucky. Takde rezeki i would say. But the first lucky draw i've gotten was a towel. Hahaha... Frust kot masa tu tp i said to myself, okla tu.. Towel is useful apa... The best part is, sampai sekarang towel tu masih ada dalam paper bag yg i received frm that nite... Hehehe that was like...4 years ago kot... ^_^

gembira, gembira juga. Esok ( sbnrnya today) ada 1 ptation to prepare!!! Tp tak siap lagi pun. Even though 8-10mins jek... Tp graded kot!! N it is an individual presentation!!!

So, i better go off to sleep n wake up early. Orrr..... I shud shoot my head.

Nite2 world ~,~

To ponder and to wonder

Hey yo! Dah lama nak menulis tp tak tertulis2. Bzkah?? Bz mmg bz... Buat2 bz pun ada juga. >.<

Now, i'm in my lecture room in upm. Having a break for 10-15 mins. Grab the chance to update few thoughts.

This lecturer of mine is sooo nice. He is so fatherly..lembut jek bila berkata, tapi takde lah sampai tahap nak mengantuk.

We actually had just resumed our lectures. Before this, we had a 1 month leave coz my lecturer went to perform Hajj. N we are supposed to submit three things that i did mentioned in the previous entry. But he is so kind coz he already postponed it twice. And it wasn't on our request but totally from him. Coz he really thinks that we should have been given more time. I think he feels guilty for leavingp his 'children' without guidance for the whole month to prepare our research proposal.

Tapi the most amazing thing is....we still haven't finish our assignments pun.. Hhmmm... Apa nak jadilah.

My life is so irony. I am teaching n at the same time studying. But to one extent, i did some things that i obviously do not want it to happen in my class. But again, the lecturers here are fine with it coz they do realize that their students are no more kids but grown-ups who have commitments and other responsibilities.

The conclusion is- life is so wonderful to be explored and reflected. Try to make some times and do ponder about it. Tak rugi pun... It's also a matter of muhassabah diri.

K y'all.. Till entry meets entry.
Luv.