~the best~

Some thoughts can't just be written
It is best to kept in mind;
Some thoughts can't just be expressed
It is best to be kept inside (ur heart);
Some thoughts can't just be told
It is best to be kept silent;
Some thoughts can't just be known
It is best to be kept understood (by urself).

a.v.o.i.d

i am avoiding things at this moment. so many things. but till when cud i ever keep avoiding? i just hope that things wud change by itself, and by the moment i am awake i really do hope it change.

go with or against the flow?

it is really near to the end of the year 2009. gosh...time flies like a lightning. but then, we are still here-at the same spot. ok ok...not 'we' but ME. my life does not change any little bit since ages i think. even though we have another month, i already have had my new resolutions in my mind which i will try my hard to make it realize, because it is very essential in making changes in my life. i really need to do this for the people i love-my family and especially my beloved mom.

kadang-kadang bila fikir what specifically that i need to do, aku sendiri pun tak tau nak jawab apa. tapi i sincerely feel missing...something is missing in my life at this stage...but please bare in mind that it has nuthing to do with kahwin...yeah rite.. =D

i also am worried with unforseen future...memang kita akan kata just go with the flow with our lives but then at certain extend, we have to set a so-called goal a.k.a hala tujuan. one thing that i realized about me myself is i like to go with the flow. aku tak pernah nak set anything in my life. cuma ada satu moment jek yang aku pernah buat keputusan mengikut kata hatiku sendiri kerana aku fikirkan bakal masa depan aku which was just right after my pmr results came out. i decided and be firm with my decision that i did not want to go to science stream but instead to art stream. reason? because i am so lazy to study hard for my spm. believe it or not? u have to coz it is the true story and had had happened. hehehhe (",) and i am happy with that decision till now and i never regret it.

being now in my position and state, my life is full of going with the flows.... tapi sekarang aku dah buhsan dah. i want something in my life, something promising and something that makes me happy to be in it. i am and do happy with my life now, though. no doubt! kita merancang and allah s.w.t yang akan menentukan. tapi tak salah kot kalau kita cuba untuk mendapatkan apa yang kita mahu untuk kehidupan kita yang lebih bermakna. kadang-kadang, manusia tuh suka sangat merancang sesuatu perkara where that individual has had things, so many things in his/her mind for his/her future. tapi, tak semua perkara yang dia rancang itu menjadi realiti. dan mulalah manusia tu kesal dan kecewa. and that is the moment where takdir takes place.

anyhow, insyallah kalau dipanjangkan umur, moga allah swt memurahkan rezeki serta mempermudahkan segala urusan kita yang kita rancang dengan niat yang ikhlas serta jujur. amin ya rabbil alamin.... ^_^

itik masak black pepper.

it was indeed a tiring day. i could say it was a tiring week. thought that i cud have a rest since the students had finished their semester and now sitting for their final sace exam. but i was wrong. academic tasks are done but then non-academic tasks are now waving and waiting...i am so tired and tired... my emotion is too tired these few weeks back. everything matters at this moment.

Dalam pada aku penat nih...kekasih simpanan ku dan juga kwn baikku sedang berada di atas pesawat...menuju ke UK untuk makan angin..kalaulah boleh aku terbang trus ke tempat duduk di atas pesawat...alangkah nikmatnya..huhuhu...tp malangnya aku sedang berada di atas lembik dan sedang menaip di blog ini. kejap lagi nak masuk tido dh..esk lps subuh jek dah nak shoot ke penang.

kesimpulannya, saya sangat & teramat penat & letih. sekian, terima kasih.

-

dihlimiikitktilismicimnih.thiriisinikitilismicimnihidilihkiriniikitidikbirininikminilissiciritiringtiringin.
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ntihiiipiipiikitilisnih. ikisiriwhitiwirititidikdipitdifihimiilihdirikisindiri.

sekian, wassalam.

my beloved students n their war!

tika n saat ni, my beloved students sedang bertungkus lumus menjawab soalan peperiksaan. start from today, SACE exam 2009 dah bermula. as usual, it starts with ESLS paper. before the exam, i had a chance to sit with few of them. they were nervous n scared at the same time. ye la, this is THE exam. this exam yang akan menentukan whether they could fly or not to Australia. even i am their lecturer, aku rasa aku yang terlebih takut. i just came back from the hall- visiting them n see how r they doing. Alhamdulillah, i've seen the exam questions and it seems that it is quite easy compared to other practices. listening piece was easy n not that out of topic. so does the letter! i am glad to know that and i really do hope and berdoa pada allah that all of them could do their best for this ESLS paper. they've been studying for 1 1/2 years and i hope things are going well. i've seen their effort and hope allah permudahkan perjuangan diorg. esok will be another subject thought by me n my colleage- malay background speakers. harap2la segala yang elok2 untuk paper esok. insyaallah... (",)

tak adil, maka aku terkilan

i hate myself rite now! but i am supposed that i cud handle myself..i am me n i always cud. but allah selalu menguji umatnya. just look at these few days...OMG! rasa cam nak bunuh diri jek... apa saja yang aku buat, lalui, lihat, rasa dan alami...smuanya tentang itu. dan perlulah ia berkisar tentang itu. yang paling tough so far, what had happened last nite n today. dah lah i went to visit relative kat hospital...sangat sesuai utk aku terjun dari tingkat 7..huhuhu...but takpe...segalanya ada hikmah...well...walaupun aku agak TERKILAN ttg apa yang terjadi recently, aku harap aku tough la..mungkin luaran ye, tp dalaman...hanya allah jek yang mengenal umatnya.

sebenarnya sangat banyak benda yang aku tak puas hati tapi terpaksalah aku pendam sendiri...mangsa yang terdekat is my bestfriend tp tak smua aku bleh luahkan pada dia...there are certain things yang masih berkubur tanpa nisan.

honestly, aku terkilan sangat sebab dia tak memahami aku. dan juga tak CUBA memahami aku. he didn't even give me a chance to say it all, to decide n to help. he is so unpredictable-that's the most suitable term to describe him at this moment. what he did was to decide for me and made me to follow what he had decided without any compromise. pendek kata, ia SANGAT TIDAK ADIL BAGI AKU. tapi aku tahu...dia tak akan pernah heran dengan statement nih. sebabnya...dia dh buat keputusan and takkan berganjak. i know him..i just know him. whatever, i am still here n care for him. cuma aku juga perlu bersikap 'selfish'.

~sayang always~

akhirnya aku dah pun buat keputusan. mungkin ini yang terbaik untuk aku dan dia. dan mungkin ini adalah apa yang dia mahu juga. so basically, aku dah tunaikan apa yg dia nak.
betapa sakit dan perit for me to decide on it. but, i think i have to. ini bukan isu dia tak nak bebankan aku, tp aku yg selama ni membebankan dia. selama ni aku yang buta dan tak reti bahasa. he said it out clearly but aku yang tak nak terima hakikat. bodohnya aku kan? benda yang senang difahami pun aku tak bleh nak faham. in fact, dah lebih kurang 5 or 6 tahun benda ni berlarutan. ye la...aku kan bertepuk sebelah tangan. mana nak berjaya..bengap betul aku nih. (",)
belajar tinggi2 tp benda simple macam ni pun lembabs.
apa pun, aku doakan yang terbaik untuk dia dan tinggallah aku sendirian dgn bayang2 aku sendiri. tinggallah aku dengan satu-satunya benda yang aku ada which is kenangan2 di kala gumbira dan sedih bersama dia.

sayang always.

~~

ngantuk tahan extreme!

utk renungan bersama dan khas utk cik khome ^_^
dgn ucapan: hayatilah...siapa makan cili, dia terasa pedas. sekian.