current state of mind

i have a confession.

i never feel jealous (as far as i am concern). not the extreme one. but now, i am jealous. i never thought that i would and could be jealous.

i am envy. i envy them. but, i am happy for them. i wish i could be them. how i desire and dream to be just like what they are now.

it is true indeed. if you are a person that always remember HIM, HE'll definitely show you the path. the happiest, the most blessed, the righteous and the best.

but, we can't have what we really want. we won't have the same path even so we chose the exactly same path.

we can't we won't we cudn't we wouldn't

and

we will never have the exactly dream that we really dreamt of.