Regret

I kinda did something stupid n childish. Oh how i am ashamed with myself at this moment. Currently, this thing has become my enemy... THE ENEMY.. It is stronger than i have thought. Though i realized what it could do to me...but the evil is more powerful, in pulling me back n not to go forward.

O Allah.. Why am i so weak? I know it is all because of me. You have nothing to do with this.. But to you I surrender.

I am so ashamed. I am so stupid. I am so useless ;((

Show me the light, o allah

Ya allah.. Tolonglah hambamu ini...
Dugaan sedang melanda... Ishkishkishk ;((

Aku rasa macam hidup aku ni skang based on due dates jek. N most of the matters due on 3rd november.
I am not sure if i could go through the tunnel to reach that 3rd nov.
I still do not see the light at the end of the tunnel..
Mcm mane nak nampak light tu!!?? Masuk pun belum lagi.. Ayyaaa..

Oh my dear allah..
Please help me.. Please show me the way... I do really need ur hidayah...
Amin ya rabbil alamin...

Sejarah dulu-dulu

Semalam i dreamt of him. It was real and scary too. Mimpi tu mcm tahu sifat dia.

Lama dah x jumpa and teringatkan dia. Tapi semalam, aku terserempak dengan dia. Seperti biasa, mata bertentang mata.

Kuasa Allah itu Maha!

Alhamdulillah dan syukur aku panjatkan pada Allah yang Maha Esa. 

Hari ni aku sangat bersyukur kepada Allah kerana Allah tidak pernah kedekut untuk memberi pertolongan pada hambanya ini. 

Ya, aku dalam kesusahan buat masa ni. Aku hampir menangis kerana berasakan yang aku tidak mampu untuk ke depan lagi. Aku seolah-olah terpaku pada keadaan sekarang. Tapi, tak sedikit pun aku menyalahkan Dia kerana rancanganNya. Walau apa pun, aku tahu dan aku yakin segala keburukkan datang dari aku dan yang baik-baik itu semua datang dariNYA. 

Cumanya, aku sedih dan kecewa atas apa yang telah aku lakukan, atas jalan apa yang aku pilih untuk diri aku sendiri. Aku seolah-olah tidak menyayangi diri aku sendiri dan tanpa ragu-ragu merosakkan malah meruntuhkan amanat Allah iaitu diri aku. 

Kuasa Allah itu Maha! Maha sehingga tiada siapa, apa yang dapat menandingiNYA. 

Aku berdoa moga Allah selalu tidak lupa untuk memimpinku ke jalan yang benar... jalan yang lurus... jalan ke pintu syurga. Sesungguhnya aku ini hambaNYA yang hina dan hanya kepadaNYA aku dapat bergantung....dunia dan akhirat.

Amin, amin ya rabbal alamin.......

Word(s)

Hai.

How are you?

Fine? Normal? Not fine? Not normal?

Hope you are okay.

Regards,

-me-

Come-back!

Assalamualaikum.... hi there...

Lamanya aku tinggalkan blog ni... Selalu teringat tentang kewujudan blog ni tapi memang tak sempat nak update apa2 yang patut untuk dikongsikan bersama.

So many things happened in my life. All the things that had happened, i consider it to be an interesting, awesome and full of lessons events. Can't really describe it here coz it is tooo many to be written/expressed/shared.

1 chapter of my life in the early year of 2012 is when i had so many responsibilities to be fulfilled. Among them are my core duty as a lecturer, my new position in students affairs department, being among the employees for the on-the-way of transformation program, my study life in UPM, as a daughter who lives with her mother, as a servant of allah, and not to forget my newest involvement - being part of NLPers.

Oh yeah..mentioning about NLP, I would really love to share with all of you bit by bit of NLP knowledge that i obviously found it as so interesting and beneficial. I will insyallah find the time to do so soon.

* NLP: Neuro Linguistic Programming

Till then, cheerio! ^_*

three chapters in January

sebenarnya kan...aku ada banyak benda nak share here at this blog. but, i just did not get the courage to on my lappy n jot down what i wanted to. don't know why. it felt so burdening.
hhmmm... i guess i know why. coz my new year started very well.... very well until at one point, i could not breathe. as simple as gasping the air and exhale it. sigh~~

tahun baru 2012 telah menunjukkan belangnya dari awal lagi. seawal 1 januari. aku dikejar dan dihimpit oleh waktu yang tidak pernah mencukupi. setiap hari berlalu bagaikan tiada malam dan setiap waktu berlalu bagaikan tiada minit atau saat. i thought i had planned my schedule very well.... but i guess i had not. mana taknya, tahun baru aku dimulai dengan hutang assignments yang berlambak. okey...aku mengaku aku memang suka buat keje last minute. tapi bila aku buat keje last minute, i nailed it! and, as a prove, i got an A-. not bad though....alhamdulillah sangat2 pada allah. berbaloi la waktu2 yang aku sesak nafas demi untuk menyiapkan assignments tu smua and also mentelaah untuk finals.

itu baru satu chapter.

another chapter is definitely about my work. in this sem alone, i have 21 hrs loading for teaching. rasa nak tercabut lutut bila bayangkan keadaan tu smua. 21-hr is actually equals to 4 courses. omg!! it is so demanding!! tapi, aku gagahkan jua coz i accept this as a new year's challenge and i am pretty sure i can do it. u know me..... i am always optimistic..no matter what. of course, i need to be emo first, but then it is no problemo - at all!

cumanya bila teringat balik pasal sem 3 masters, aku jadi kaku. penatnya ya rabbi.....hanya allah jek yang tahu perasaan aku. kalau ikutkan aku yang tidak yakin, hancur luluh di tengah jalan. syukur jugak allah jadikan aku sebagai seorg yang selalu optimistic. only at certain time, i might be and feel breakdown. but most of the time, i actually ignore it. i am such an ignorant!!

that's another chapter.

the other chapter is.... i have gotten a new post at my work place. it's actually a cross department post. remember about my 21-hr loading? now please take out a calculator and press 2, 1 + 6 = . i am pretty much sure you'll get to see at the screen - number 27. yeap! that's my loading. yeeehhaaa!!!!

before the number becomes the issue, there is another issue comes about. it's the controversial issue about my post and sewaktu dengannya. i shall not write it down here...but i am definitely sure that i will remember about it all through my life. so, basically the controversy really gives me so much of challenges and obstacles. it is more to mental challenges. all i can say is that, i am not supposed to be at the stake where i know what's going on. i should only be the person who will know what about it and wala! - be it.

wo! three chapters in 1 month. we shall wait any more chapters in February. *woot~woot*

Ddaa!

U know what!?

Best friends are sometimes annoying.
They said and acted differently.
In the end, please do not count on them.

It is reality tho.

No heart feeling!

Fikir.

Dua ribu dua belas

Salam,

Selamat tahun baru 2012.
My 2011 ended up with almost a week's fever. I guess it could mencuci dosa-dosa lepas ;)
And my 2012 starts with a full list of things to be done and settled.
What an 'exciting' weeks to start with.
Assignments, finals, new classes to teach, new students to spend a year with n loads more.

Yang pasti,
Alhamdulillah ke atas Allah Swt di atas peluang yang diberikan selama ini.
Dan juga sekali lagi peluang diberikan untuk menghadapi ujianNya untuk tahun ini.

Of course, i have decided to be a better person...not for other people but for myself. It's not a small and easy thing to do but i am determined in doing so. Hope Allah could show me the way and assists me along the way. I am sure He will ;)

Maka, dengan ini...dengan azam yang baru, saya ingin tidur awal dan bangun awal pada esok hari.

Selamat malam! (",)