~the best~

Some thoughts can't just be written
It is best to kept in mind;
Some thoughts can't just be expressed
It is best to be kept inside (ur heart);
Some thoughts can't just be told
It is best to be kept silent;
Some thoughts can't just be known
It is best to be kept understood (by urself).

a.v.o.i.d

i am avoiding things at this moment. so many things. but till when cud i ever keep avoiding? i just hope that things wud change by itself, and by the moment i am awake i really do hope it change.

go with or against the flow?

it is really near to the end of the year 2009. gosh...time flies like a lightning. but then, we are still here-at the same spot. ok ok...not 'we' but ME. my life does not change any little bit since ages i think. even though we have another month, i already have had my new resolutions in my mind which i will try my hard to make it realize, because it is very essential in making changes in my life. i really need to do this for the people i love-my family and especially my beloved mom.

kadang-kadang bila fikir what specifically that i need to do, aku sendiri pun tak tau nak jawab apa. tapi i sincerely feel missing...something is missing in my life at this stage...but please bare in mind that it has nuthing to do with kahwin...yeah rite.. =D

i also am worried with unforseen future...memang kita akan kata just go with the flow with our lives but then at certain extend, we have to set a so-called goal a.k.a hala tujuan. one thing that i realized about me myself is i like to go with the flow. aku tak pernah nak set anything in my life. cuma ada satu moment jek yang aku pernah buat keputusan mengikut kata hatiku sendiri kerana aku fikirkan bakal masa depan aku which was just right after my pmr results came out. i decided and be firm with my decision that i did not want to go to science stream but instead to art stream. reason? because i am so lazy to study hard for my spm. believe it or not? u have to coz it is the true story and had had happened. hehehhe (",) and i am happy with that decision till now and i never regret it.

being now in my position and state, my life is full of going with the flows.... tapi sekarang aku dah buhsan dah. i want something in my life, something promising and something that makes me happy to be in it. i am and do happy with my life now, though. no doubt! kita merancang and allah s.w.t yang akan menentukan. tapi tak salah kot kalau kita cuba untuk mendapatkan apa yang kita mahu untuk kehidupan kita yang lebih bermakna. kadang-kadang, manusia tuh suka sangat merancang sesuatu perkara where that individual has had things, so many things in his/her mind for his/her future. tapi, tak semua perkara yang dia rancang itu menjadi realiti. dan mulalah manusia tu kesal dan kecewa. and that is the moment where takdir takes place.

anyhow, insyallah kalau dipanjangkan umur, moga allah swt memurahkan rezeki serta mempermudahkan segala urusan kita yang kita rancang dengan niat yang ikhlas serta jujur. amin ya rabbil alamin.... ^_^

itik masak black pepper.

it was indeed a tiring day. i could say it was a tiring week. thought that i cud have a rest since the students had finished their semester and now sitting for their final sace exam. but i was wrong. academic tasks are done but then non-academic tasks are now waving and waiting...i am so tired and tired... my emotion is too tired these few weeks back. everything matters at this moment.

Dalam pada aku penat nih...kekasih simpanan ku dan juga kwn baikku sedang berada di atas pesawat...menuju ke UK untuk makan angin..kalaulah boleh aku terbang trus ke tempat duduk di atas pesawat...alangkah nikmatnya..huhuhu...tp malangnya aku sedang berada di atas lembik dan sedang menaip di blog ini. kejap lagi nak masuk tido dh..esk lps subuh jek dah nak shoot ke penang.

kesimpulannya, saya sangat & teramat penat & letih. sekian, terima kasih.

-

dihlimiikitktilismicimnih.thiriisinikitilismicimnihidilihkiriniikitidikbirininikminilissiciritiringtiringin.
hikidifjiiwidiritiixisidilikipini. biitpingitihiinkiringdinikijigiikidihnikdikitdiiminggiikitikcinticidii.diiidigikdiikilicibi
tipitikcikipintikikisidiphiti..ikibincisingitsingitikitikliritdih.
ntihiiipiipiikitilisnih. ikisiriwhitiwirititidikdipitdifihimiilihdirikisindiri.

sekian, wassalam.

my beloved students n their war!

tika n saat ni, my beloved students sedang bertungkus lumus menjawab soalan peperiksaan. start from today, SACE exam 2009 dah bermula. as usual, it starts with ESLS paper. before the exam, i had a chance to sit with few of them. they were nervous n scared at the same time. ye la, this is THE exam. this exam yang akan menentukan whether they could fly or not to Australia. even i am their lecturer, aku rasa aku yang terlebih takut. i just came back from the hall- visiting them n see how r they doing. Alhamdulillah, i've seen the exam questions and it seems that it is quite easy compared to other practices. listening piece was easy n not that out of topic. so does the letter! i am glad to know that and i really do hope and berdoa pada allah that all of them could do their best for this ESLS paper. they've been studying for 1 1/2 years and i hope things are going well. i've seen their effort and hope allah permudahkan perjuangan diorg. esok will be another subject thought by me n my colleage- malay background speakers. harap2la segala yang elok2 untuk paper esok. insyaallah... (",)

tak adil, maka aku terkilan

i hate myself rite now! but i am supposed that i cud handle myself..i am me n i always cud. but allah selalu menguji umatnya. just look at these few days...OMG! rasa cam nak bunuh diri jek... apa saja yang aku buat, lalui, lihat, rasa dan alami...smuanya tentang itu. dan perlulah ia berkisar tentang itu. yang paling tough so far, what had happened last nite n today. dah lah i went to visit relative kat hospital...sangat sesuai utk aku terjun dari tingkat 7..huhuhu...but takpe...segalanya ada hikmah...well...walaupun aku agak TERKILAN ttg apa yang terjadi recently, aku harap aku tough la..mungkin luaran ye, tp dalaman...hanya allah jek yang mengenal umatnya.

sebenarnya sangat banyak benda yang aku tak puas hati tapi terpaksalah aku pendam sendiri...mangsa yang terdekat is my bestfriend tp tak smua aku bleh luahkan pada dia...there are certain things yang masih berkubur tanpa nisan.

honestly, aku terkilan sangat sebab dia tak memahami aku. dan juga tak CUBA memahami aku. he didn't even give me a chance to say it all, to decide n to help. he is so unpredictable-that's the most suitable term to describe him at this moment. what he did was to decide for me and made me to follow what he had decided without any compromise. pendek kata, ia SANGAT TIDAK ADIL BAGI AKU. tapi aku tahu...dia tak akan pernah heran dengan statement nih. sebabnya...dia dh buat keputusan and takkan berganjak. i know him..i just know him. whatever, i am still here n care for him. cuma aku juga perlu bersikap 'selfish'.

~sayang always~

akhirnya aku dah pun buat keputusan. mungkin ini yang terbaik untuk aku dan dia. dan mungkin ini adalah apa yang dia mahu juga. so basically, aku dah tunaikan apa yg dia nak.
betapa sakit dan perit for me to decide on it. but, i think i have to. ini bukan isu dia tak nak bebankan aku, tp aku yg selama ni membebankan dia. selama ni aku yang buta dan tak reti bahasa. he said it out clearly but aku yang tak nak terima hakikat. bodohnya aku kan? benda yang senang difahami pun aku tak bleh nak faham. in fact, dah lebih kurang 5 or 6 tahun benda ni berlarutan. ye la...aku kan bertepuk sebelah tangan. mana nak berjaya..bengap betul aku nih. (",)
belajar tinggi2 tp benda simple macam ni pun lembabs.
apa pun, aku doakan yang terbaik untuk dia dan tinggallah aku sendirian dgn bayang2 aku sendiri. tinggallah aku dengan satu-satunya benda yang aku ada which is kenangan2 di kala gumbira dan sedih bersama dia.

sayang always.

~~

ngantuk tahan extreme!

utk renungan bersama dan khas utk cik khome ^_^
dgn ucapan: hayatilah...siapa makan cili, dia terasa pedas. sekian.

snippets

1) tanggal 10/10/09 baru2 nih, genap 5 thn arwah bapaku meninggal..kejap jek rasanya duration 5 tahun tuh..macam2 dah jadi dalam pada masa tuh...but then, even though he wasn't physically in the world anymore, his sailors' friends still keep on visiting us the family. our bond with those sailors are still tight to each other...kadang2 me as the youngest daughter didn't even realized whether they are our relatives or just a family's friends. ye la..my gap in the family is way too wide. i confessed that i don't even know the whole history of my family and relatives due to my age. . i wasn't even exposed to, indirectly maka, aku la ahli keluarga yang kurang mengenali kaum keluarga secara umumnye...hehehe or huhuhu....

this is my beloved late dad

2) semalam tiba2 teringat kat nasi goreng kerabu makcik HS Cafe masa kat UIA dulu. masa zaman campus dulu, hampir tiap-tiap malam aku n zura gi order kat HS Cafe. hampir tiap-tiap malam tuh adalah malam-malam kitorang ada practice theatre. tp yg kadang-kadang 'bengkek'nye ialah bila makan kat dalam theatre hall, mesti ada 'lalat2' yang datang menghimpit kat nasi goreng kerabu kitorang.(lalat2 tu were our boyfriends plus abg2 senior yg tak malu gak ^_^) cacat tul...tapi takpe la..kata kongsi rezeki...tp tak leh bagi muka pun ngan diorg nih...tang nasi goreng kerabu kitorg, sedap ajek...tang suruh pi beli sendiri..mulalah ada alasan yang nasi diorg tak sedap lak...huhuhu..walaupun gerai makcik HS Cafe tuh ada macam2 citer keliwon, kitorg pedulikkan jek...sebab kitorang dh kena mandrem ngan penangan nasi goreng kerabu dia...hehehhee...

3) since i was like in primary school, there is one kedai makan operates nearby my kawasan rumah. so, sampai skang walaupun kitorang dah pindah to new house, we do still go to that kedai makan. tapi semenjak aku dah dewasa nih..aku lebih mengada-ngada skit in terms of demanding order. nak dijadikan citer, kat kedai makan nih ada satu mamat ni who is the son of the owner. we called him Edika coz his face is just like edika-one of the most popular hero remaja zaman kakak2 aku. dalam ramai2 pekerja kat kedai tuh, edika nih sorang jek yang buat air sedap. among fav aku adalah teh ice, nescafe ice and kadang-kadang milo ice. seriously, kalo org lain buat mmg tak sedap.hanya edika sorang jek sedap..kan kan cik khome?? sampai bapak edika nih dh tau kalo aku dtg n edika takde, aku takkan order air. but if edika ada, edika sendiri yang akan amik order aku. edika kata kat aku, dia mmg ada mandrem2 skit pun dlm air minuman buatan dia tu..hahaha...pedulik apa aku..dia punya minuman yg dibuat tu mmg cukup2 rasa lah... btw, the story is.......edika is no longer working at the father's shop! ada family prob skit and he migrates to KL. so skang, sapa nak buat teh ice n nescafe ice aku nih!!! uwwaaaaaaaaaaa....

p/s: khom, air neslo ko hari ni (14th) tak sedap la! uwek!

chayok2 mizleo!!

what a week this week. very the bad one.... sekejap jek dah jumaat..tp keje bukan semakin kurang, tapi semakin berlambak dan naik meninggi...bilik office dh macam tempat recycle kertas jek. sini sana kertas...sini sana files assignments...sini sana pen merah, pen biru, pencils...sini sana botol air..sini sana macam-macam...nasib ada bola-bola api. ceria skit hidup dalam bilik office ku ini.

talking about work and me specifically as a lecturer, students ni kadang-kadang boleh menyakitkan hati. tapi tak kurang jugak yang boleh menyejukkan hati. but then, yang menyakitkan hati lebih banyak dari yang menyejukkan hati.huhuhhu...

however, this morning..hati aku sejuk jek tengok student aku yang sorang nih...haish...allah jadikan muka dia sangat tenang and tatkala tengok dia...tenang jek hati aku. not only me but to my other colleagues as well... hopefully, hati aku akan tenang sampai ke petang ler...tapi rasanya tak kot. sadiskan? takpe2..berkorban untuk nusa dan bangsa.

chayok2!!!

kalau tiada angin, masakan pokok bergoyang

i just came back to work from a very long 'holidays'. one week for cuti raya and another week for cuti sakit. i missed the whole one week with my students which i regreted so much. they'll be having their real sace exam end of this month to early of the next month. so much to be revised and so much to be motivated. that's one thing.

another thing is, when i came to work yesterday, colleagues and students had been asking the same questions - "how r you?", "miss sihat?" etc.. Some of them have been asking such question because they knew my condition and some of them who didn't knew my condition, had uttered the question because of my physical appearance. i looked tired and of course not as happy as i always am. it is just tooo awkward when people asked me - "farrah sihat?" and i answered - "tak sihat". if i were to say "farrah sihat", sure they will ask further question blablabla...and i also did received a very first greeting from a clerk in the office where i did punch my card with "selamat kembali farrah"...hahahaha...sekurang-kurangnya aku pergi dan masih kembali and not vice versa....nauzubillah....

so, the moral of the story is rasa macam loser jek bila kita sakit and orang tanya kita sihat ke tak. at one point, soalan tu agak berbunyi bodoh (tapi takleh nak salahkan orang tuh sbb dia tak tau). and perasaan yg tak dapat digambarkan bila kita nak jawab yang kita sebenarnya tak sihat. baru aku tahu perasaan dua manusia itu. dalam kes ni, aku lah orang yang bodoh yang menanyakan soalan "kau/awak sihat tak?" bengap tul farrah nih %$%(^#@(*

~incoherent thoughts~

incoherent thoughts.

the most suitable phrase at this moment. so many things to be think of. but yet, none of it has an answer to the questions. wait! does it need an answer? do all questions require answers? hhmm...

why my thoughts are incoherent? what was i thinking of? was it a BIG problem after all? do thoughts need to be BIG to be think of?

at this very moment, being an optimistic is no more a guarantee. i used to depend on positivism and everything happened in this world should not be blamed and cried over. we need to be happy-go-lucky. do not mess ourselves with small and sad things.

GO OPTIMISM!!!

but now???

things happened for a reason and we shall look after it and the wisdom it brought to us. most people overlooked it. when the are already in trouble, then they will chase after the light. what happened to the dark-darkness? it used to be comforting at any seconds...but now why look after the light??

why?

ifikifitifirifinginfinnikfikmirfirihfihtifipifiikifitikfikbifilihfihmirfirihfihnifipifipinfinifikifitikfiktikfiktifihifi
kifinifipifiifikifinifitikfikrifitifibifihifisifi.sifisihfihkifinikfikfifihimfim.kifiliifiiifiringfingtikfiknikfikkitfitkiifii
sinfindifirifimiifiiifingitfitlihfih.limfimbibfibindfidbifidihfihpifinyifihfirfirrihfih.bifiitfitmifilifijikfik.
jifinginfinlihfihdisfispifiritfidsifingitfit.tifilihfih,difilifitikfiknikfikfifikirfirhifibisfisbissif.
bifidihfihnyifihpimfimprfirimfimpifiinfin!

the ugly truths

when we want that thing or something so much, Allah always challenges us with His obstacles and circumstances. it makes us to think again and again whether do we really fancy it? if we do, determination comes naturally. if we do not, right away it stops.

but then, after we have had overcome those obstacles and circumstances given by Him, again..do we really fancy it at the present moment? or we just merely satisfied with our victory?

personally, i would say that i am the type that i would fight for my say and once i've gotten it - that's it! it's due to the process that i've gone through to achieve what i want. the process is actually the biggest guide that will help me whether to stay put or vice versa. sebabnye..during that process kita akan nampak the ugly truths behind the event/happening. dan why i said 'ugly truths'? it's because it is indeed ugly.

pendek kata, aku dah tawar hati.

nyuum nyam ^_^

sekarang ni kan bulan ramadhan. therefore, there are few things yang synonym ngan bulan nih. macam-macam. daripada yang boleh menambahkan pahala sehinggalah yang boleh mengurangkan pahala yakni menambahkan dosa. but, it is all depends to that individual.

sebenarnya aku nak cakap pasal bazar ramadhan. this is among the famous thing bila bulan puasa tiba. bazar ramadhan ni terkenal sebab dia ada menjual pelbagai juadah untuk berbuka. macam-macam. daripada pelbagai jenis air up to jual rumah... hhahaa..tak caya? ada..kat sek 13 shah alam. pelikkan? tapi bazar ramadhan ni sebenarnya membuka peluang rezeki pada sesetengah pihak.

dah dekat seminggu berpuasa nih, aku boleh katakan aku rajin lak gi bazar ramadhan kat few tempat. maybe sebab my mum malas nak masak kot. and selalunya bila awal2 berpuasa nih, kita teringin nak makan macam-macam. masa ni lah kononnya mengidam. mengidam konon....it is more to nafsu pun...hahaha... and kadang-kadang bukan ngidam pun, cuma teringat-ingat jek yang last year nye juadah-yang hanya ada masa bulan ramadhan jek. contohnye "papa john". papa john ni sebenarnya ialah roti john. tp roti john ni dh di upgradekan ke tahap mewah and special skit. ia dijual di bazar ramadhan sek 13, shah alam dan sebenarnya agak glamour di kalangan para pengunjung bazar ini. aku tahu pasal papa john ni pun sebab aku watched shamsul ghau2 nye rancangan masa ptg2 bulan pose thn lepas. so, aku pun gi la try. sodap la jgk..nak kata sodap sangat tuh belum lagi kot. tapi berbaloilah korang beratur panjang macam ulat.

ha..citer pasal beratur panjang2 macam ulat..korang memang kena gi awal kalo nak beli papa john nih. sebabnya, orang yang datang beli nih - masyaallah ramai betul. dia punya barisan beratur macam cacing or ular (pjg & bengkang bengkok). tapi okay gak beratur panjang2 nih..secara tak lansung dapat berkenal2an ngan orang yg depan n belakang. macam yang terjadi kat aku n cik khom ari tu. sembang2 kitorg dua org indirectly menarik minat mamamt kat belakang kitorg. apa lagi, memandangkan line mmg sangat panjang..tak rugi pun kitorg sembang2. bukan pasal apa pun, pasal roti john gak. it was fun gak experienced beratur panjang2 nih. itu pun sebab kakak aku yang sorang tuh 'kepingin' papa john tuh.

all in all, papa john tu mmg sedap. ada satu tuh sebijik macam prosperity burger.

~seribu satu kisah~

korang perasan tak?

semalam ngan hari ini nye awan cantik-cantik. sangat cantik-cantik..

semalam gi amik my mum kat klia. on the way masa tengah drive tuh, i was tempted with the clouds. so purely white n suci. ditambah lagi dengan background langit yang tenang berwarna biru..sungguh indah ciptaan ALLAH...subhanallah...(",)

masa all the way tengah drive tu...i dok usha-usha awan...

dia macam ada seribu satu kisah di sebalik pembentukkan awan2 tuh smua.

and it was so artistic and subjective...n the moment i wrote this, i went out from my office room n snapped some photos of the clouds. i wish i had the dslr already..*sigh

btw, these are some of the photos i captured with my humble hand-phone camera..

p/s: ada gak gambar i captured while i was driving.

# jgn tiru cara saya. (",) *drive n snap photos

takkan aku lupa - photos of memories -

ini saat2 kena prank. i cried as result of mixture emotions (",)

(malu seh!)

their cake for me. i called them kanak2 rambutan

(instead of kanak2 ribena)

bersama ahli2 yg terlibat semasa kejadian...

(termasuk 3 org pensyarah yg kejam)

that is the KING of the prank-kesh

next is eri, my stud. had the same birth date n had been pranked as well early in the morning

by kesh also.

these are my studs of cmsp.

love them soo much, kanak-kanak rambutan!

^_^

takkan aku lupa! ^_^

in another minute, it will be 21st august 09.

today was a bit hectic day for me. i am exhausted, tired, shocked, damn happy, damn geram and lots more emotions yang i feel..
today is my birthday. i thought it wud be a normal birthday i've ever had coz usually my birthday falls during the school mid break. tp ntah mcm mane, tahun ni tak jatuh dlm minggu cuti sekolah.

hari ni aku penat sgt sebab aku kena pranked by my colleague-kesh, yang memang hantu prank. i cud say he's an expert in doing so. if his expertise cud ever be inserted in his resume...it'll be wonderful...his prank was not done alone. one of my classes took part in a very big role. they were such an actor. prank diorg was about one of my female student ter'cut' her wrist. it was damn panic situation. aku mcm pompuan giler ikut kesh n the students ke parking kete tuk bawak stud aku ni gi clinic. i repeat: damn panic!

but then,
bila sampai kat kete where pintu kete dh terbukak untuk letak my stud in the car...i saw an open box. dlm hati aku cam nak sumpah gak si kesh nih. dh tau nak letak stud aku dlm kete, tak reti2 ke nak alihkan kotak tuh...

rupa2nya, it was a box with MY BIRTHDAY CAKE!!!

damn...i'm being pranked!!!!

what happened after that? they were all singing a birthday song to me..
the least i cud do is crying...crying because i'm shocked + tired + happy + geram + etc. penat seh masa tuh. sebabnya i was like so sincere in worrying bout my stud's condition..but end up, i kena prank.

hahhaa...after all, i appreciate what ever they have done to me n it was such a wonderful and amazing experience yang aku akan kenang sampai bila2...aku takkan lupa...

n petang tu plak...aku and my studs- hassan, farrahin, zainal n fuad gi tgk muvee.
fuad tuh wei...stud aku paling innocent..hahahha...

really had fun n it actually had made me not to really teringat yg i'm getting older already..hehehhehe ^_^

:ketika: part 1

hahaha...
ada seorang lelaki bernama F. dahulu dia berkawan dengan si gadis bernama Q. persahabatan mereka terjalin tanpa dirancang. si F amat menyenangi si Q, begitu jua si Q. tapi yang over2 si F ler.. si Q cool jek.

tiap-tiap hari si F ni called si Q. dari pukul 11 malam sampailah kul 4 pagi. itu pun bila si Q kata si Q ngantuk. kalau tak, takde maknenya si F nak pakai otak and stop the conversation. perkenalan antara si F dan Q berlansung agak lama...yang nyata, bil telefon si F melambung tinggi. si Q cuba untuk tidak menyebabkannya melambung dan menegur si F tapi si F ni berlagak nak m*****. dia kata kat si Q: bukannya u bayar pun.. eeii...si Q amat menyampah!

@ bakal bersambung....

-sepi-

life is like a rollercoster. yesterday, i had fallen in love but today, kerana perkara lain aku tersentap. life is full of unexpected things (i said so before). how should i handle myself? how? i just begun to feel confident and so damn optimistic but there are always challenges coming ahead. semalam sesuatu itu memberi kita satu kebahagian dan hari ini sesuatu yang lain memberi satu kedukaan. how should i handle myself?

apa perasaan korang bila korang rasa sangat yakin pada sesuatu yang terjadi sebelum ni tetapi esok-esoknya, tiba2 semua tuh bukan kenyataan hari-hari yang akan datang? semalam ia satu kenyataan tetapi hari ini ia satu impian yang musnah.

mungkin allah baru saje menguji aku tapi aku tak kisah. cuma aku sedikit penat (aku tahu aku tak patut merungut tapi aku manusia biasa). to one extent, i do not know what should i do. i might know what to do but i am not sure if my decision is the correct one. how should i know whether the confidence that i have had at this second should be maintained and used for future? and satu lagi, perlu ke aku fight for it? is it worth it? or serah pada takdir?

persoalan aku sekarang: berjuang atau berserah?

siyes aku jatuh cinta!

aku rasa aku tak pernah jatuh cinta secepat and seringkas macam ni. siyes i would say that i have falling in love with him. it is not because of who he is. it is actually more than you could guess.

oh my god! i couldn't close my eyes to sleep because he is in my brain every second since. goshh!! the way he talked to me...the way he uttered word by word... the way our eyes met up.it is all like an electrocuted volume trespassing my blood vein.

siyes aku tak boleh lupa saat mata bertentang mata and masa tuh aku rasa aku di awang-awangan...and buat pertama kali, bila dia memandang ke mata ku, aku mengalah dan mengalih kerana jantungku berdegup-degup.


# hahaha...sangat poyo tp siyes aku jatuh cinta pada dia ^_^

expect and accept the unexpected

topic aku kali ni still mengenai p.e.n.a.t. mungkin orang kata aku kecoh sebab macamlah aku sorang jek penat. tapi itu hakikat sekarang yang aku hadapi. bila aku penat, ia ada kena mengena dengan 'kesibukan' dan busy. mungkin again, orang kata macamlah aku sorang nih jek yg sibuk and busy. which again, itu memang hakikatnya sekarang.

i don't know why i am busy and penat. i am too restless. sometimes i feel good to be restless and penat..sebabnya it is proven that i am doing or i am into something. kalau aku tak penat, maka sangatlah obvious yang aku ni takde keje. that's one thing good about it.

tapi yang tak goodnye, when it comes to penat and busy, i'll tend to overlooked a few things around me. i overlooked myself, my mum, my family, my life, my friends. yang paling aku tak overlooked is my students la. or i cud say my job. sebabnya, kerana kerja la aku penat dan sibuk. at least takde la aku merambu and buat keje yang tak patut. and because of these all, i am rewarded. not only salary though but lots of thing too. rezeki melimpah, kesejahteraan jiwa (hahaha), keredhaan and kerahmatan, kegembiraan and macam2 la.

back to 'overlooked' issue, dh nak dekat sebulan aku tak contact one of my best fren tu. she is sick and aku tak sempat nak tanya khabar dia. tapi, setiap masa aku teringatkan dia dlm fikiran aku. cuma tak berkesempatan nak menulis message or give her a call. yang aku risau, penyakit dia kembali, right after 2 years. and i knew that she had gone thru tough times alone. though there are people around her but the pain is only felt by her.

like my previous entry, life is full of unexpected things. we have to always expect the unexpected. it is not just the matter or expecting it, but also to accept the unexpected. some things are already meant by us, allah had decided it long time ago. therefore, accept it and try to do our best out of it. nescaya, we'll see the hikmah di sebalik kejadian tersebut. (",)

%#$$+*&!@~

otakku berat kembali. sangat penat.

i'd like to be somebody's Gerry

it's been a long time since i wrote the latest entry. life's been hectic but yet i'm trying to balance up things around me. but again, being me...sangatlah balance smua..
these few days back, i was not really feeling well. actually i'm hating this sudden mid-sem break that is due to H1N1. pity the students for having such a short notice break. for those who had bought their 'balik kampung' tickets for the actual break, it wud be such a heart-break. it seems that they do not get the chance to enjoy the 1st week of fasting together with their family :(

my day today began with a sad news. one of my students' dad had passed away last monday nite due to a heart attack. i read the message just now and was shocked with the news. i just met the father during the parents-lecturers day last month and i still have his business card with me which arwah had gave me on that day. i knew arwah a lil bit since adiba-the daughter had told me about her dad. i was actually planning to buy a dslr camera and it happened that her dad is into the thing as well. so, adiba is such a helpful girl that she actually helped me to choose the best dslr according to her dad's advice and experiences. when i called her just now, she was so calm..telling me the incident chronologically without failed and ended her conversation by saying: "mungkin miss boleh sedekahkan al-fatihah to my dad". i am sure that i will.

however, she had reminded me about the moment that i lost my dad. my dad's death was expected because of his condition at that time. daripada bengkak 1 jari kaki hingga the whole 5 jari kaki...sampailah waktu when kaki arwah kena potong sampai lutut and expected to potong lagi sampai peha(tapi alhamdulillah tak sempat)... after all, it was expected. tp still i cannot be calm unlike adiba, her father's death was quite a sudden whereby it happened in one night and that's it. apa pun, ajal mereka dah sampai and we should be aware that ajal seseorang mahu pun ajal kita sendiri could be expected or even unexpected.

it is so damn POYOish!

why is my brain functioned so slow? it is so slow to the extend that my emotional responses are slow as well.

i am quite pissed off...well i realized it quite sometime - which is from the moment i should have felt it but like i said, lambat pick-up skit.

i realized that i don't like people to actually 'mempertikaikan' what i do/did. i hate it because i knew that i do/did it correctly as it is supposed to. and bila orang mula mempertikaikan "why shouldn't you/ you should have tell me or done that or done this" and blablabla.... saya sangat benci bila that moment comes. it happened to me but the moment it comes, i don't really feel annoying@irritating at present. but as time passes....and my brain started to digest about things that had happened, barulah perasaan 'pissed off' datang menerjah. pastu, aku akan emo jek la tak tentu pasal....and that is why i said that aku tak suka orang mempertikaikan tentang tindakan aku yang mana aku rasa/yakin aku sudah buat sedaya yang mungkin. dan manusia tu tak patut mempertikaikan atau mempersoalkan kerja aku. agak bengang yang agak amat!

and aku benci bila aku busy. aku sangat terasa POYO when i don't have time to myself and people around me... it is so damn POYOish....hate it so much! when will my normal days come back???

ya

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

penat giler!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

.

~aku ketika ini~

students

Siang tadi ada sorang stud aku datang and say bye-bye. insyaallah august ni dia dah nak fly ke US to further his study. tiba-tiba cam agak touching lak. tak tau nape... lg pun he is one of my studs yg paling rapat and baik. very humble n ngam la ngan aku..i've met his mom n bro once..very the ramah and sweet...ntah bila la plak aku bleh jumpa diorg lagi... n ntah bila aku leh jumpa my stud tuh lagi..maybe in a year time...

and talking about bila leh jumpa..last few weeks my studs yg dh fly dtg visit..deel made a surprise for me with their presence.. agak terkejut gak la...(kata surprise kan??) huhuhuu...sekejap jek masa berlalu..tup tup..dh sethn diorg blaja kat US n mcm2 dah terjadi..one of it was the most sad incident tu la...apa2 pun..aku tetap doakan kejayaan and keselamatan diorg.. i am proud of having them as my students..may they are blessed with success and joyful (",)

me and deel (4th from left)

at this particular second, minute and hour, i am supposed to be at section 6 for new students' registration. but then, mataku bengkak sebelah. bukan kerana menangis atau ditumbuk. tp sakit mcm nak naik ketumbit. tp kalo ketumbit, dia warna merah kan? aku nye tak warna merah cuma ada mcm naik biji warna putih dihujung mataku and at the eye-lid. pagi tadi bangun, mataku lansung takleh bukak and totally mcm kena gam. at first, aku dah kecut perut dah. tapi rupa2nya mataku dikatup dek taik mata karena kesakitan mataku itu. sebabnya, malam semlm mataku asyik berair jek. dan sejam yg lepas, biji putih itu mula pecah dan mataku kembali pulih seperti sedia kala. kesakitan pun sudah berkurangan....secara tuntas, aku ingin mengemas bilik dan rumah.*

* damn incoherent.

sangat penat & sangat rindu

sangat penat.

ntah macam mana tiba-tiba terjumpa satu CD yang penuh dengan gambar kenangan kala dulu.

kala masih di taman ilmu dan budi.

dan tiba-tiba terdengar tentang sesuatu perkara yang sepatutnya aku dah dengar waktu itu.

tapi entah kenapa aku tak terdengar.

mungkin dah ditakdirkan aku untuk tidak mendengar benda itu.

sebab itu sekarang terjadi begini.

dan kala aku dengar benda itu, aku menangis.

sudah agak lama aku tak menangis kerana hal itu.

dan kala air mataku berhenti, aku puas.

bagai seluruh beban di dalam diriku berterbangan bebas.

sangat rindu.

durian oh durian...

I have just came back from rapporteuring..it's been a fruitful and excellent 4 days attending the 17th Conference of Commonwealth Education Ministers (17CCEM) at KLCC. It was once in a lifetime experience whereby this conference is held once in a three years. Malaysia is the 17th commonwealth contry who had been given the chance to host such prestige conference. So, I wonder when would be the next chance that Malaysia will get to host CCEM. There were so many happenings that I would like to share with whomever reads the entry, but I guess I'll have it written when I am totally free.

However, this particular happening is the one that will be most remembered by most of ours the rapporteurs. We were having lunch today and fortunately we sat at the same table with the Vice Chancellor of one of the university in Tanzania and one woman who is actually has a high position in the Commonwealth organization. From all the topics that we could discussed on (most probably education), we actually did have a chat about DURIAN. Yes, the king of the fruit in Malaysia. Not surprisingly, the european people would have the perception and opinion that they really can't stand the smell of durian. My colleague-MUN shared with us that she watched a program about this guy who actually travels around the world looking for the weird food such as an exotic food. However, durian was told to be the weird food in the world. And it is all because of the smell.

So, this woman and my german colleague are the two ladies who cannot stand the smell of durian. And because of the smell, they do not get the chance or I could say they do not want to take the chance to actually taste durian for real. The smell is actually the reason for this kind of people to not wanting to have a taste of durian.

I never knew in Tanzania there is durian. And surprisingly they also called it durian. It sounds weird though but after all it is a fact. So, this VC from tanzania said that he had to hide from his wife if he ever wants to eat durian. Coz his wife doesn't like the smell of it. But this VC is really enjoying the food and its taste. At the same time, this european lady and a german colleague of mine have been wondering how this Tanzanian enjoyed his fond of durian so much in spite of the 'wonderful' smell. Both of them just couldn't accept it. This topic or issue raised is then brought us to a professional chat. Moreover, our three UM colleagues who are also rapportuers are actually scientists. And one of them is so-called master of science in plants. So, he basically knows everything about durian. Of coz scientifically. He was saying that durian has 20 types which I don't really know about it. And the best type of durian is D24 which is the most expensive of all. However, he also said that it is not easy to find the 'real' D24 type because of it limitedness and also difficult to find. The real D24 is usually being exported to abroad because of its quality. (only the best will be sent away, anyhow) hhmmm...

There was one part that actually attracted me. We were explaining and informing both european lady and german colleague of mine that durian has been commercialized. We now have ice-cream with durian flavour, durian jam , dodol durian and lots more. Both of them were actually shocked that we can have these kinds of food in durian flavour. Suddenly, the Tanzanian VC interrupted our chat and said that it never happens that somebody who actually has the courage to taste durian with his/her perception of the bad smell that durian has, will eventually says it tastes terrible. Everyone who tried despite the negative connotation will find it tasty and the tendency for them to eat durian in the future is getting high. The taste will somehow exceeds the smell. And that is for sure! hahahaha...ye ker? (",)

And how irony life is. The moment i stepped into my house back from the conference, I smelt durian. I thought that I am already cursed with it but actually my mum had just bought the durian. huhuhuhuhuhu...On top of all, I enjoyed my experiences of a 4-day conference.

hari ini

aku sangat penat and occupied

tapi apa aku buat kat sini - blogging?

aku tahu kenapa

sebab

hari ini

i've made it, u know

but it wasn't towards the entire day

it screwed just right before the noon

i was quite disappointed indeed

tapi semakin kita menolak

semakin ia hampir

allah maha mengetahui

and i really can't stop myself

at the end

i did it

half-heartedly

eeiii...menyampah

sungguh tidak tegas aku ni!

tapi

inilah aku

rapporteur

at this second, i am writing this n3 at impiana hotel, kuala lumpur. i am supposed to study a lil bit for tomorrow but as usual the internet always distracts me. i am staying here because technically few of us from various institutions have a duty assigned by the ministry of education malaysia. there will be a 17th conference of commonwealth education ministers at the klcc and we have been selected as the rapporteurs specifically for the youth forum. it is actually a big conference where all the commonwealth countries are participating except for few countries because of certain reasons.

for some people, the word rapporteur itself sounds heavy. to be the truth, the job scope of a rapporteur is also heavy. a rapporteur should be listening to each word uttered by the paneslists or the speakers and report it in a written document. for some cases, the time limit applies or else longer period is sufficient. as for my situation, we are to be given approx 2 hours and 15 mins right from the end of the conference session to convert all the things that we listened and jotted down to a final report. then, we shall mail it to our leader and once he is satisfied with what we have written, then our duty is officially end. and if he is not satisfied, we have to correct any parts necessary.

the thing that is the most important while doing our job as a rapporteur is the "accuracy". we can't simply assume that the speaker/panelist says something and that is what he meant. we have to be accurate and sure that any particular issue or subject is raised and touched by him. or else, we will be in a big trouble. as for in my case, one of the report done by us-the rapporteur which is the proposal made by the youth will be submitted to the ministerial meeting where at that particular moment the ministers of the commonwealth will read the report out and decide upon any approval of any proposal made. basically, these ministers will not be entering any particular forum. therefore, the report made by us will be useful to them and that is the reason that we need to be accurate at all time.

if we are saying that the participants are attentive, i am sure that the rapporteurs are 150% attentive. after all, i hope that everything will be fine and goes smoothly for these 4 days. i am looking for new experiences and opportunities in our education field.

wish me luck!

jangan terlalu mencari kesempurnaan

Jika kamu memancing ikan....

Setelah ikan itu terlekat di mata kail,

hendaklah kamu mengambil ikan itu....

Janganlah sesekali kamu LEPASKAN ia semula

ke dalam air begitu saja....

Kerana ia akan SAKIT oleh kerana bisanya ketajaman mata kailmu

dan mungkin ia akan MENDERITA selagi ia masih hidup.

Begitulah juga ........

Setelah kamu memberi banyak PENGHARAPAN

kepada seseorang...

Setelah ia mulai MENYAYANGIMU

hendaklah kamu MENJAGA hatinya....

Janganlah sesekali kamu meninggalkannya begitu saja....

Kerana dia akan TERLUKA

oleh kenangan bersamamu

dan mungkin TIDAK dapat MELUPAKAN segalanya

selagi dia mengingatmu....

Jika kamu menadah air biarlah berpada,

jangan terlalu mengharap pada takungannya

dan janganlah menganggap ia begitu teguh....

cukuplah sekadar KEPERLUANmu...

Apabila sekali ia retak....

tentu sukar untuk kamu menampalnya semula.

akhirnya ia dibuang.....

Sedangkan jika kamu cuba memperbaikinya

mungkin ia masih dapat dipergunakan lagi....

Begitu juga jika kamu memiliki seseorang,

TERIMALAH seadanya....

Janganlah kamu terlalu mengaguminya

dan janganlah kamu menganggapnya begitu ISTIMEWA....

Anggaplah dia manusia biasa.

Apabila sekali dia melakukan KESILAPAN

bukan mudah bagi kamu untuk menerimanya. ..

akhirnya kamu KECEWA dan meninggalkannya.

Sedangkan jika kamu MEMAAFKANNYA

boleh jadi hubungan kamu akan TERUS hingga ke akhirnya....

Jika kamu telah memiliki sepinggan nasi...

yang kamu pasti baik untuk dirimu.

Mengenyangkan.

Berkhasiat.

Mengapa kamu berlengah,cuba mencari makanan yang lain..

Terlalu ingin mengejar kelazatan.

Kelak, nasi itu akan basi dan kamu tidak boleh memakannya.

Kamu akan MENYESAL.

Begitu juga jika kamu telah bertemu dengan seorang insan.....

yang pasti membawa KEBAIKAN kepada dirimu.

MENYAYANGIMU....

MENGASIHIMU....

Mengapa kamu berlengah, cuba MEMBANDINGKANNYA dengan yang lain.

Terlalu mengejar KESEMPURNAAN.

Kelak, kamu akan KEHILANGANNYA apabila dia menjadi milik orang lain..

Kamu juga yang akan MENYESAL...

thank god

pertama sekali, syukur alhamdulillah ke hadrat ilahi. segala kesulitan yang aku hadapi akhir-akhir ini telah dapat diselesaikan. hanya allah sahaja yang tahu betapa seksanya dan hampir musnah usaha aku untuk menyelesaikan segala-galanya. tetapi, hari ini ternyata aku sangat gembira kerana kesulitan itu semua sudah berakhir.

tetapi dalam pada aku bersyukur kerana tanggungjawabku terlaksana, aku diduga oleh perkara yang sangat menguji kesabaran aku. seperti biasa, penyelesaian yang terbaik dapat aku lakukan ialah membiarkan perkara itu berlalu begitu sahaja. aku sudah malas hendak memikirkannya apatah lagi untuk berbuat sesuatu. cukup setakat ini aku bertindak. aku yakin aku sudah cukup matang untuk menilai dan memahami keadaan yang sebenarnya.

to be frank,

AKU MALAS, PENAT, TAK PEDULI & MENYESAL.

tetapi tetap bersyukur kerana diberi peluang.

i wish i could turn back time to the years before.

horrayy!!

hari ni sgt gembira. syukur alhamdulillah..kan irda kan kan kan??? ^_^

~lumrah~

daku suka tetapi benci,

gembira tetapi sedih,

menyesal tetapi mensyukuri,

lega tetapi semput,

ingin berubah tetapi dihalang,

ingin maju tetapi disekat,

ingin jujur tetapi dipaksa curang,

ingin bahagia tetapi merana,

mampukah aku,

semampu engkau,

relakah aku,

serela engkau,

jujurkah engkau,

sejujur aku,

ikhlaskah engkau,

seikhlas aku.

di luar kotak

k. before i start my work which is to continue IT, let me express my feeling of TENSI.

macam mane benda tu boleh dilihat sebegitu? sedangkan ia amat jelas, terang lagi nyata. kenapa perlu berfikir di luar kotak (out of the box), sedangkan segala-galanya di dalam kotak? kenapa tidak mengikut arahan? atau adakah arahan tidak jelas. atau tidak faham bahasakah? "MA MUMKIN??"

aarrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

#sekian#

al-fatihah...in memories..

my day today began with a sad mode. as soon as i entered my office, i did sign in for ym. then, i saw my fren's status message- syaza. she wrote sumthing like "al-fatihah to nublan zaki norhadi". in my head, i think i know who is he but i just ignored as i never think that it wud be him. suddenly, few seconds later..blax buzzed me n straightly asked me whether have i heard bout the news? what news?? he did as well send a link tru ym n asked me to read bout it. i was totally shocked n speechless. deep inside me..i was praying that blax was talking about sumthing else that had totally no relation to what i read from syaza's status msg.

i tried to distract myself to check out new mails from official inbox. i had like 9 new mails n as i read the title of each msgs one by one...my eyes stopped at this particular msg. it was the latest mail that i've gotten sent by kak mila-my colleague.

it is about my ex-student-nublan zaki norhadi. i cudn't really recall at this moment whether had i thought him before but i am so 100% sure that he was deela's (my colleague@bestfren) student. the most significant event had happened back then between bulan (his nickname called by his frens) n deela was during last year's valentines day. the whole denver had done sumthing that made deel pissed off. bulan, the class rep at that time felt that it was his fault n responsibility of deel's anger. what he did was he bought a bouquet of flowers specially dedicated to deela to apologize for what had happened. it was valentines day and we were damn sure that the bouquet's price was damn expensive.

and today, i have found that he has passed away. innalillahirojiu'n.....COD: drowned at Abrams Falls, Great Smoky Mountains National Park in US. oh yeah...he was currently studying at Penn State Uni. August ni genap 2 thn diorg fly to US. I cried while reading the US n/paper 's online article. (i'll paste the link sumhow later). it was a tragic. he was not supposed to go there but aku percaya itulah ajal namanya. he drowned on Sunday evening but his body could only be founded the next 18 hours - more or less at 1.30pm monday. his body was found under 30 feet. walaupun berat nak terima tapi itu adalah sebuah hakikat. ada dua perkara yang sangat memedihkan. 1st- he is expectedly balik malaysia for summer this thursday. 2nd- in his FB, his current status is.. How I wish Malaysia is just near Penn State...

enuf said. nublan..allah lebih menyayangi kamu. semoga roh kamu dicucuri rahmat dan kamu ditempatkan di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman. al-fatihah...

http://www.wbir.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=88586&catid=2

documenting

nothing to write on.

but would like to document this moment.

wanna make it as something that could be remembered though in another 10 years.

is it a good news or bad news?

hhmm...

both i guess.

it makes me so far smile all the way to the evening

(though it's not yet in the evening but i know it will)

so mizleo, remember this moment kay!?

(",)

p/s: cik khom, bukan psl tuh okay..hehehe

diam

diam bukan bermakna lupa.

diam tak bererti benci.

diam tak bermaksud jemu.

diam penuh hikmah mengumpul ribuan semangat,

menjana aura,

menyubur rasa kasih, belas ihsan

dan

rindu dendam

pada si dia yang menanti di setiap kala.

dia

MMS 2009 - SHORT COURSE

keluarga besar MMS 2009

peace cut, vo-siem forza, wolverine, ceplos, elegance, synergy & bleach

AKSI-AKSI TIDAK FORMAL FACILITATORS *_*

~oh milo ice!~ *_*

saat ini..tiba2 aku teringat kat abg milo ice. tak tau nape. hehehee berdosa nya aku. tapi, tak tau nape aku dan dia dieratkan dgn milo ice. oh milo ice... *_*

agak bengang

aku mcm agak bengang ngan sorang minah nih. aku rasa dia saje jek nak poyos ngan public dpn aku. aku mcm tak paham ngan dia. apa masalah dia pun aku tak tau. utk pengetahuan minah a.k.a pompuan tuh, aku dilahirkan mesra alam. so, aku tak tau apa motif dia bila 'dia' yg dilahirkan tidak mesra alam cuba utk bermesra alam menggunakan aku. ko apahal??? kalo ko rase ko tak glamer..ko duduk diam2 kat belakang. tak yah nak buat lawak bodoh ko yg konon2 tak obvious tuh. aku takde hal buat masa nih...tp tolongla cari diri sendiri. n for ur info minah, itulah yg membezakan antara aku yang matang dgn ko yg masih bdk2 tuh. masakan ko sng bertukar!!?? lu pikir la sendiri!

aku takde hal. aku hidup dgn diri aku n aku happy. ko yg slalu bermasalah..n pastu poyo!

sekian.

hari yang agak memenatkan

bulan ni agak memenatkan. even though dah habis mengajar and students akan exam- it still doesn't indicate anything. malah keje semakin banyak and menimbun. in fact, even students dah abis exam, it's getting busier. i have to mark the papers...plus my colleague had just gave birth and i have to mark her students' paper as well since it's just both of us who are teaching the subject. it's fine but tiring. then, i am involved with the mms thingy. again, it's fun but tiring.

like yesterday, i've spent the morning with the new students esp the ones sponsored by JPA to the bank. of course naik bus uni la kan. then, noon tu lak, i've spent with the facis which are the current studs. and honestly, waktu ni lah waktu yg paling memenatkan sepjg 5 hari berkampung ngan diorg kat hostel. sebabnya, diorg have shared with us ( me n other frens) some of their teka-teki, games n tricks yang at one point relevant n real. but at another point..agak lawak bodoh la...but very interesting. yang cam tak caya nye, even my big boss for the event terkena gak ngan lawak2 bdk2 ni smua. and siyes...waktu ni we all were no more their lecturers coz we do kinda feel at some stupidity moment. hahahhaa...siyes... in fact, ada lagi trick diorg yg me n my frens tak leh figure it out yet.

it was so tiring till me n irda went back to the guest house n i did fell asleep till lewat petang. semuanya penangan kuteng n the gang...

:{

*******************************

aku penat.

aku restless.

*******************************

ikisipititnyi birihitskitlisikiringinitipiikipinihkiji

nikkitiikigitilikitiktihilihkidingkidingtihikitirisijigikpinit

tipiikitikkisihkiriniikisikibiitkijikijiini

idikihikitimikhilibikirini ikitirimisigiligilinyitipimistifthiwirksiri

nitiptimibitrithirmiibligitiin.....

aku penat n i am occupied till 20th may 09...huhuhhhuhuhu... :(

~bulan, indahnya malam ini~

today is the most peaceful day to me. started right from the morning till at this moment. i began my day with teaching all those needy students at their place. though there were flaws here n there...but i guess it's just fine. after all, nothing is perfect but i believe things could become perfect one day.

it is such a wonderful day today. nothing is much precious than your own family. i love my family soo much and only my family could give me a peaceful mind and soul. since i came back from the voluntary teaching activity, i spent my time at home till my sisters were coming along with my nephews and nieces. there are the one who actually make most of my days. their laughter, love, actions, behaviour, humour, happiness are all the reason that i think that not everyone would have the opportunity of having such sense of belonging.

we did have our own sweet time this afternoon. u dont have to really spend the time by doing something that u are actually not fond to. like just now, we were having fun doing manicure, then we have special session of putting inai on my sis n her daughter's hand and feet. after a while my nephews were helping along my sis in waxing her car. it's just a simple thing that is required. but the most important thing is the precious moment that u enjoyed together.

and my peaceful and wonderful day has actually ended just now whereby the whole family went out for dinner at the restaurant. enjoying the food while having fun talking and sharing stories- it's just so...peaceful. on the way home when we were nearly arrived, i saw a full moon. the feeling of looking at the moon is best described as the same feeling i had this whole one day with my family. i do believe with the phrase: "home sweet home".

i just feel that i do love my mom, my sisters, my nephews and nieces a looottt...!!! without them, i might not enjoying my life as it is now. and because of them as well, i have a wonderful life as they will support me no matter what. they are just one of a kind where you can't expect it from anybody else i.e., friends and strangers or even your loved ones.

kegembiraan ku tak terkata dan bila terpandangkan bulan malam ini, hati tiba-tiba jadi tenang dan aku amat senang menikmati bulan tanpa berfikir apa-apa. (",)

perception and perspective

On Sunday, khom and I have attended an event which was basically organized by my BIL and his team. Actually, I was being informed about this event on Saturday's noon which was quite last minute. They (the team) called me and offered me to do some voluntary work which is to educate anak-anak kampung for extra tuition. So in my mind, aku dah teringatkan cik khom coz both of us had already been done/used to voluntary works during university's life. Basically, we got no probs at all.

Maka, on the Sunday kitorang ke rumah di mana pelajar2 (anak2 kg) gathered. Agak ramailah - dalam 100 orang. Umur diorang dalam lingkungan darjah 1-6 and a few Form 1 students. Me and khom have decided to actually teach them english subject. We thought that we would be teaching them according to the same syllabus like the schools are doing. NO - we would not. We were being told that the students can't even read. And the most surprising fact is, even students of standard 6 could not read yet. So question: HOW ARE THEY GOING TO SIT FOR THEIR UPSR? At this point, we are not saying about reading english text specifically but rather reading in generally bigger scope.

Khom and I agak terkejut mendengar penyataan ini. Kami diberitahu yang pelajar-pelajar ni semua adalah majority anak-anak orang yang low-income. Their fathers work as fishermen, guards, etc. And for them to not having such exposure in studies is actually understood. So, our existence and appearance in the program/event is supposedly to bring them out of their 'kepompong'. It's quite a tough responsibility and challenging though! (",)

However, these are some of the experiences I had on that Sunday. It was actually the first time I met with the students and without preparation, I did some introductory session with them. The class was comprised of a mixture of feelings: kelakar, geram, kesian, gembira, menguji kesabaran etc. Therefore, let me shared with u guys some of the "touched" scenarios that had happened during the class session.

THE SCENARIO: I asked the students to give any vocabularies that they could find at school.



THE RESPONSE:



1) Schoolmate: I asked them the meaning of it in BM. They answered- kelas matematik.

2) Chalk: I asked one of them to spell it out. He spelled- C.H.O.P

3) Sheep: He wanted to say SHEEP but he said SHIT.

p/s: kat sekolah ada sheep ker? or even goat? hhmmm...(wondering...) *-*

EVALUATION: For the first time, it could be funny and cute. But the reality is, they really need help coz they are the future of our generation. It is sincerely hoped that there could be more non-profit activities as such to help in curbing the existing problems.

13th year

hari ini sebenarnya genap 13 tahun kakak aku yang ke-empat pulang ke rahmatullah. Semasa dia meninggal, aku masih di tingkatan dua dan aku berusia 14 tahun. Tak silap aku ketika tu, umur kakak aku baru berusia 24 tahun. Dia meninggal kerana paru-paru berair. Sahabat-sahabat terdekat aku tahu tentang chronology penyakitnya...

actually i was trying to find her photo but i couldn't. it was because my late sis didn't like her face n herself to be captured in the photo. so, ini jek gambar yang aku jumpa siang tadi. she's sitting second from the left.

frens, pls sedekah al fatihah to my late beloved sister as well as my late beloved dad. may their soul rest in peace. semoga roh mereka dicucuri rahmat. amin ya rabbil a'lamin...

~

i've gotten a message

a sad one

no

a happy one indeed

wait!

sad or happy?

why shud i feel sad?

but

why shud i feel happy?

shud i?

or

shudn't i?

i am confused

a long silence made me confused

but

there's nuthing between

then

why shud i

i thought

it would be

something

or

somekind

i thought

it grows

though it never meant to

but

i can feel it

know it

understand it

i thought u

you were

as well

feel it

know it

understand it

but

silence means

nothing

accept

silence

as nothing

understand

silence

as nothing

nothing

means

nothing

happy

means

happy

sad

means

sad

do accept

do learn

do grateful

p/s: both of them will be getting married soon

~kemiskinan, penderitaan dan kesulitan hidup~

Something to be shared and something to ponder about the difficulties and one's poverty in acquiring and achieving knowledge.

• Kisah yang pernah diriwayatkan oleh Imam Bakar bin Hamdan Al Maruzi bahawa Imam Ibnu Kharrasy pernah bercerita:

"Demi mencari ilmu, aku pernah meminum air kencingku sendiri sebanyak lima kali. Ceritanya, sewaktu sedang berjalan melintasi gurun pasir untuk mendapatkan hadis, aku merasa kehausan luar biasa tanpa ada yang dapat aku minum. Maka dengan terpaksa aku minum air kencingku sendiri."

• Imam Hatim pernah mengalami keadaan yang menyedihkan. Imam Abu Hatim mengatakan:

"Ketika sedang mencari hadis keadaanku benar-benar sangat menyedihkan. Kerana tidak mampu membeli sumbu lampu, pada suatu malam aku terpaksa keluar ke tempat guard yang terletak di tepi jalan. Aku belajar dengan menggunakan penerang yang dipakai oleh tukang ronda. Dan terkadang tukang ronda itu tidur, aku yang menggantikannya ronda."

• Kisah Imam Bukhari yang diriwayatkan oleh Umar bin Hafesh Al-Asyqar. Al-Asyqar mengatakan:

Selama beberapa hari kami tidak mendapati Bukhari menulis hadis di Bashrah. Setelah dicari di mana-mana akhirnya kami mendapatinya berada di sebuah rumah dalam keadaan telanjang. Ia sudah tidak miliki apa-apa. Atas dasar musyawarah kami berjaya mengumpulkan wang beberapa dirham, lalu kami belikan pakaian untuk dipakainya. Selanjutnya ia mahu bersama-sama kami lagi meneruskan penulisan hadith."

• Penderitaan Imam Malik:

"Demi membiayai dirinya menuntut ilmu, beliau sampai mencabut atap rumahnya, lalu menjual papannya."

Ketika aku sedang membaca sebuah novel islamiyah dan terbacakan petikan di atas, terus aku teringatkan studentsku. Betapa mereka mengeluh dan tidak menyukai ujian, peperiksaan mahupun kelas harian. Ada saja alasan mereka. So, I guess kisah-kisah di atas serve it all. Ini pulak petikan yang menyedarkan dari novel yang aku sedang baca:

{Bagaimana mungkin dia boleh lupa bahawa dalam kitab-kitab sastera, sejarah, manakib, dan thabaqat banyak dijelaskan betapa para 'ulama' lebih biasa bergelut dengan kemiskinan, penderitaan dan kesulitan hidup yang menghimpit. Namun mereka melaluinya dengan penuh kesabaran. Dalam penderitaan yang menghimpit itulah mereka mengais ilmu dan hikmah. Dalam kesulitan hidup itulah mereka menulis karya-karya besar yang monumental.}

# Ketika Cinta Bertasbih - Habiburrahman El-Shirazy (Episod 1)

kenangan-students: 01

pengalaman-students: 01

students a.k.a pelajar-pelajar.

students ni banyak betul jenis-jenis perangai diaorang. tapi yang sangat nyata dan fakta adalah students zaman sekarang dengan zaman aku dulu amat dan sangatlah berbeza. kenapa aku cakap sedemikian? sebab aku sekarang ni di bidang pengajaran. dan setiap perangai students ni mengingatkan aku kepada zaman-zaman ketika aku belajar. especially masa kat university lah. okay, kat tempat aku mengajar sekarang bleh dikategorikan sebagai matrikulasi. basically, the students are actually from 18-20 years old.

the first thing that need to be told or reminded to all of them is actually about the different worlds that they are stepping into now. sekolah adalah masa silam mereka dan matrikulasi ataupun pre university adalah masa kini dan juga masa depan. jadi, mereka wajib tinggalkan segala-galanya di dunia yang dahulu. dan mereka harus dan wajib membina masa depan yang baru di dunia yang baru. pendek kata, they have to start from zero. tapi, diorang tak pernah ikut saranan(what a word) ini. diorang masih terbawa-bawa perangai ketika bersekolah. i coud even say that they are actually not working into maturity but more towards childishness.

when i said about two different worlds, it actually comprise of many things. some of it are the wayS of thinking, behaviour @ attitude, study skills, time management, self management, discipline, expectations and many more. therefore, in my becoming entries i'll post stories that could be shared together as not to actually humiliate or accusing etc but rather to bridge the generation gap that may exists between them and them. and of course these stories akan kita kongsi untuk something benefial in the future.

aku m.e.n.t.a.l

it is already 2 o'clock in the morning and i am still cannot get my sleep. gosh i hate this coz i have 8am class. due to this complication(s), i have taken a quiz in the facebook. the name of the quiz is "What's your mental disorder". my result of the quiz is Bi-Polar. kahkahkah... i think it really suits me at this hour. due to it..i have found several photos that actually resemble my mentally disorder that i am, was and will.

ini adalah wajah-wajah sebelum result quiz dikeluarkan.


ketika ujian tahap pertama.

ketika ujian tahap kedua.

ketika ujian dijalankan.

ketika lari dari ujian.

ketika hampir berjaya lari dari ujian.

hari-hari selepas disahkan menghidap bi-polar (positive thinking!)

annual dinner

last friday, my work place had organized an event which was our annual dinner. but then, this dinner is supposed to be last year's dinner but then because of the time and how occupied my work place was..it was meant to be on the 24th april 2009. nothing extraordinary about it. it was just a normal dinner which i think previous dinner was much fun. however, the theme of the dinner for this year was much exciting than it was. we used to have BLUE and this year the theme was RETRO, BLACK & RED. i was actually quite doubt with the theme as i could imagined that there'll be no participations from the people of the non-academics. surprisingly, they were actually sporting! they came with afro hairs and the back-dated clothes (definitely the men). i didn't know from where on earth they found that clothes. but it was fun to look at them, enjoying the dinner with kinda interesting karoeke competition. after all, the ballroom was actually fulled of people wearing black & red and to one extent, sakit mata memandang. hahaha... and i was quite meroyan as well to actually participated by doing special shopping just for the sake of the dinner. and of coz i was totally black & red on that nite...neway, sekali sekala meroyan apa salahnye kan??? (",)